417

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How the story was reported on Russian TV

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Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned

about his mortality,

 goes to consult a psychic  about the date of his death.

 Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future,

she finds the answer.

"You will die on an American holiday."

"Which one?" Osama bin Laden asks nervously.

"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic.

"Whenever you die, it will be an American holiday!"

----



 ----

Meanwhile in Australia

www.leahy.com.au

---

 

A number of readers sent me this

This is the Australian version

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock

(MADE IN JAPAN )

for 6 am.

While his coffeepot

(MADE IN CHINA)

was perking, he shaved with his

electric razor

(MADE IN HONG KONG)

He put on a

dress shirt

(MADE IN SRI LANKA),

designer jeans

(MADE IN SINGAPORE)

and

tennis shoes

(MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new

electric skillet

(MADE IN INDIA)

he sat down with his

calculator

(MADE IN MEXICO)

to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch

(MADE IN TAIWAN )

to the radio

(MADE IN INDIA )

he got in his car

(MADE IN GERMANY )

filled it with GAS

(from Saudi Arabia )

and continued his search

for a good paying AUSTRALIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging

and fruitless day checking his Computer

( made in MALAYSIA ),

John decided to relax for a while.

He put on his sandals

(MADE IN BRAZIL ),

poured himself a glass of wine

(MADE IN FRANCE )

and turned on his TV

(MADE IN INDONESIA ),

and then wondered why he can't

find a good paying job

in AUSTRALIA

AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP

 FROM THE GOVERNMENT WHO ARE GOING

 TO CREATE EVEN MORE JOBS OVERSEAS

 WITH A CARBON TAX DESIGNED

TO DESTROY EVEN MORE AUSTRALIAN JOBS

 BECAUSE ITS IN THE NATIONAL INTEREST

LEAD BY A PRIME MINISTER

 MADE IN WALES

However speaking from his country residence ooposition

 leader Tony Abbott was again repeating himself

thanks Jayne M

------

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning.

Can you believe that 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.

I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection,

please don't get an erection...

but she did.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."

"Fook that!" says Mick,

 "Have you not seen how many of their owners go blind?"

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!

At least I presume she was poor -

 she only had $1.20 in her purse.

A wife says to her husband

 "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back!"

He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."

Those funny animals

--------

Watch till the end

thanks Kitty L

---

----

I asked my girlfriend if she was faking last night.

She said, “No, I was really asleep.”

I went to a store to buy some insecticide.

"Is this good for beetles?" I asked the clerk.

"No," replied. "It'll kill 'em."

This Brit goes to Australia for a tourist trip and on the border

 they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been arrested.

So he says: "I did not know that was still required."

“Doctor! I think my wife is dead.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, the sex is still the same but the dishes are piling up.”

---------

First time on the escalator

thanks Corey G

-----------
click on link below for Amazing voices
AMAZING GRACE sung beautifully by four Tenors!


http://www.clarrissegill.com/videoclips/amazing_grace.php


thanks Toni

------------


Early pictures

thanks Gordon H

----

--

Todays Music

The King..Elvis Presley

---

---

--

---

---

A Texas lad rushed home from his first day in kindergarten class.

 He insisted his mother buy him a set of pencils, holsters and a gunbelt.

"Whatever for, dear?" his mother asked.

 "You're not going to tell me you need them for school?"

"Yes, I do," he replied.

"The teacher said that tomorrow she's going to teach us how to draw."

----------

MEN

thanks Liz and Alan

thanks Kitty L

----

---

----

thanks Liz Z

Don't drink at the beach

----------------

Mt Roraima is situated on the border between Venezuela, Brazil & Guyana.

It is a tabletop mountain with 400m vertical cliffs on all the sides.

 The “easiest” access is from the Venezuelan side.

To reach the top from any other side requires mountaineering equipment

 and a strong rock climbing background.

It rains almost 365 days a year on the top of the mountain.

All this rain washes away the nutrients needed to support plant & thus animal life.

 The plantless mountain surface creates a unique sandstone landscape.

 The mountain also has some of the worlds highest waterfalls.

 The few marshes on the mountain that can sustain vegetation,

 has some unique plants, including a species of carnivorous plant.

-------

Western Australia

Camels in the Outback [near Leonora]

courtesy of Postcards WA facebook page

-------------

PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer


All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

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