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Happy Canada Day July 1st
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Happy Independence Day USA
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Here in Australia we have hopeless politicians
Julia Gillard who trys leads the Labor Party and us up the Garden Path
And Tony "Wabbit" Abbott of the Liberal Party acts like a baby whose favourite toy
has been taken away from him
has been taken away from him
This picture says it all
This mob would probably argue about the colour of the Dunny paper in Parliament House
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Dutch Phone Ad
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Before he left on a business trip,
Lex, my brother-in-law, took his young son aside.
"Cam," he said, "I'm trusting you to take care of the family.
You'll be the man of the house."
Comprehending the gravity of the situation, Cameron said,
"In that case, I'm going to need the remote."
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Australia's Got Talent
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Those Funny Animals
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Orphaned Polar Bear
Orphaned polar bear cub recovers at Alaska Zoo from Marc Lester on Vimeo.thanks Toni
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Another teacher busted
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport
as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler,
a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI
with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said.
'They derive solutions by means and extremes,
and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values
.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y'
and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined that they belong to a denominator of the axis of medieval
with coordinates in every country.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said,
'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,
he would have given us more fingers and toes.'
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement by the President.
It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
thanks Kitty L
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It is fun. It is amazing!
Choose a famous person in your mind
and then participate in this 20 question game!!
It really works,
thanks Liz Z
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thanks Shelagh N
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10 Second Drama
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When former Vice President Hubert Humphrey was just starting in politics,
the accepted way of meeting prospective voters and contributors
was to organize afternoon teas and serve light refreshments.
The idea had been used for a long time and it wasn't as effective as it had been.
Hubert, always the innovator, kept trying new methods.
He had a good friend in the actor, Alan Alda, who --
in his spare time -- managed a number of different entertainment groups.
One of the groups was a singing quartet, The Kingsmen.
Hubert employed this singing group, as well as a second Alda group,
several beautiful and amorous ladies from Norway, to spice up his parties.
But it didn't work.
The newspapers the next day headlined,
"Alda's cling Norses and Alda's Kingsmen couldn't put Humphrey's dumb teas back to gather again."
As the man struggled to eliminate the sag in the eaves,
some rotted wood gave way underneath him.
He fell right through the hole in the roof,
but managed to grab the edge of the eaves as he fell, catching himself.
Unfortunately, the sudden weight of the falling man caused
the edge of the roof to tear completely loose from the rest of the house,
resulting in the man falling twenty feet to the ground
and getting pummelled with debris from the collapsed eaves.
A neighbor happened to witness this and hurried over to check on the man.
He was alive, but badly hurt.
The paramedics were called and he was taken to the hospital in agony.
The man's injuries were serious enough
that he spent six weeks in the hospital recovering.
On his last day in the hospital, the police arrived
and announced that he was under arrest for his activities six weeks earlier.
"What!?" exclaimed the man.
"You're going to arrest me for falling off my own roof?"
"Oh no," replied the policeman.
"We're arresting you for tearing off the edge of your roof without a permit...
That's clearly a case of illegal eavesdropping."
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TODAY'S MUSIC
THE KINKS
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Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ' working girls
' and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection
. His depression is made worse by the fact that,
from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of
'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!
'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!
'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ...
UGH! ' ... ALL NIGHT LONG!
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first,
' How did it go? 'The first mutters,
'It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection. '
The second dwarf shook his head.
'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed.'
thanks Gordon H
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Cowboys and Indians
Three cowboys were waiting for their friend
to show up at the corral with his new car.
"I know that smart aleck," said the first.
"He's gonna start bragging about that new foreign car
he bought as soon as he gets back."
"Naw," the second cowboy replied.
"He'll always be just a good ol' boy.
When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."
"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third.
"He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both."
Just then, the door swung open. "Audi, partners!"
thanks Toni
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thanks Gordon H
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Disappearing Car Prank
thanks Kitty L
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On a shopping trip last year, my wife sent me to find shoes for her to try on with pants.
I settled on black stilettos; on my way back to the change rooms,
I picked out a revealing lingerie set.
I slid the shoes under the door and lowered the lingerie in from the top, saying,
"I wouldn't complain if you tried this on, too."
A few moments later, my wife stepped out of a different change room.
She must have noticed my stunned look.
"The light was better in this one," she said.
"Did you find any shoes?"
"Did you find any shoes?"
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More Signs
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thanks Gordon H
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Always Travel in Groups
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A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church Services,
when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled:
'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar:
“Why did you just stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.”
'Scripture?' replied the burglar.
'She said she had an Axe and Two 38s!'
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PHILS PHILOSOPHY
Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
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