490
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Gotta love this
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Black and White pictures of celebrities
how many can you recognise?
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Rita Hayworth, Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly - Old movies, 'new' music
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The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination.
“Mrs. Kumar,” he said, “I have some good news for you.”
The woman said, “I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Kumar,”
“Miss Kumar,” said the doctor without changing expression,
“I have bad news for you.”
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Listen to your Heart
thanks Toni S
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A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died,
because I left the lights on overnight.
I was in a hurry to get to work on time
so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car.
I told her to get into our second car,
a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler,
and use it to push my car fast enough to start it.
I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission,
it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.
She said "fine," hopped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.
A minute passed by
and then I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph.
Suddenly I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions....
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Those Funny Animals
One happy Chicken
click link
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Over the Rainbow!!
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The Jovers
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Meanwhile in....
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Patsy Cline Lip-sync
What can you say!!!!
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Vicar of Dibley
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Recently, a friend and I went out to eat late one Sunday morning.
I was torn between ordering from the restaurant's breakfast and lunch menus
and finally asked the server to bring me both a chicken sandwich
and an order of scrambled eggs.
When she left, I wondered aloud about whether I'd just committed a faux pas.
"I don't think so," said my friend.
"But I am wondering which one will come first."
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Beer Can Trick
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Illusions
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Golf
Wife – “Where the heck have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by noon!”
Husband – “I’m so sorry Honey…
but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”
Wife – I want the truth, and I want it NOW!’
Husband – “Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse,
I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button.
On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire.
I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money.
Of course I refuse it –
Then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton –
and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.
She’s such a sweetie,
I said yes
. Before you know it –
one beer turned to three or four,
and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.
Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton
less than 50 steps from our table
. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.
Now I’m in her room….clothes are flying ……the talking stopped
….and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable.
It must have gone on for hours,
because before I know it the clock says 5:30.
I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car,
and here I am. There. You wanted the truth….you got it.”
Wife – “You Liar, You played 36 holes, didn’t you!”
A golfer who lost his ball fumed at his young caddy.
He snapped, "Why didn't you watch where it went?"
The lad replied,
"Well sir, it usually doesn't go anywhere,
so it took me by surprise."
THE ETHICS OF GOLF
No one ever promised all decisions would be easy!
What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals
and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes.
You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards
to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin.
Your opponent then hits his ball,
lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.
Being the golfing gentleman that you are,
you help your opponent look for his ball.
Just before the permitted five minute search period ends,
your opponent says:
"Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time,
I'll concede the match."
You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.
About the time your ball comes to rest,
you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods:
"I found It!".
The second sound you hear is a click,
the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods
and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.
Now here is the ethical dilemma:
Do you pull the cheating bastard's ball out of your pocket
and confront him with it or do you keep your mouth shut?
thanks Don H
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Take care of your IPAD
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Patrick O'Reilly was lucky. Since the day he had found that four-leaf clover,
everything good seemed to come his way.
He had met the wonderful Rosie,
and after a whirlwind romance, they were married.
And now, a year later,
he was the proud father of beautiful twins, a boy and a girl.
At work, the story was the same.
He had been promoted and had received a substantial raise;
now the firm had come up with a profit-sharing plan!
Paddy was certain his good fortune was due to his four-leaf clover.
Everywhere he went,
he was certain to be carrying the talisman in his suit pocket.
One morning, Paddy could not find the clover.
He searched the house, but it was not there.
In panic, he tried to recall when he had last seen it.
He finally recalled it was in his grey suit he had dropped off at the dry cleaners.
He rushed to the cleaners,
only to find that the work had been completed
and his suit was ready to be picked up.
He searched the suit and found the four-leaf clover,
still in one piece,
but now flattened from the dry cleaning.
From that day on,
Paddy's fortunes changed.
Life was good, but was no longer perfect.
The little inconveniences were always there.
He had a flat tire as he was driving to an important meeting.
The twins developed measles when his boss and his wife were over for dinner.
No, Paddy's luck (and life) had changed.
He still carried the amulet,
but he was certainly not living under the silver lining
he was used to and had come to expect.
Finally, he had had enough.
He visited the parish priest to see if he could help him understand what had happened.
"This certainly was to be expected," he was told.
"Ye should have known .
..One should never press one's luck."
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Single Lady
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The old School Bus
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PHILS PHILOSOPHY
Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
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