Phils Phun

536

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50 Most Beautiful Women

thanks Geoff C

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Bride's Special Dance

Andrea had a very special dance with some very close family

and friends at her wedding.

Her father passed away so her brother recorded "butterfly kisses"

and she danced with with all of them during her

Father and Daughter dance. it was a truly touching moment

not a dry eye in the house.

Her dad, Mark, died earlier in the year from pancreatic cancer.

Andrea's first dance is with Mark's father,

followed by her brother Luke,

then brother Nick and finally her new father-in-law Scott

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Why does February have only 28 days?

The shortest month of the year seems to have gone by in a flash.

Why does February have only 28 days?

It's the Romans' fault.

Our modern calendar is loosely based

on their old, confusing one.

Though records on the Roman calendar are sparse and sketchy,

legend has it that Romulus,

the first king of Rome,

devised a 10-month lunar calendar that began

at the spring equinox in March and ended with December.

It is unclear whether there were any official months

between December and March,

but it's likely they were left off because the wintertime

wasn't important for the harvest.

The second king of Rome, Numa Pompilius,

decided to make the calendar more accurate

by syncing it up with the actual lunar year

—which is about 354 days long.

Numa tacked on two months—January and February

—after December to account for the new days.

The new months each had 28 days.

But that didn't sit well with Numa

because even numbers were considered bad luck at the time.

So, he added a day on to January,

giving the year an odd-numbered 355 days.

No one knows why February was left with 28

and remained an unlucky month.

It may be related to the fact that Romans

honored the dead and performed rites of purification in February.

(The word februare means "to purify"

in the dialect of the ancient Sabine tribe.)

The 355-day calendar couldn't stay in sync

with the seasons because it didn't account

for the amount of time it took for the Earth to orbit the sun.

So, an extra "intercalary" month of 27 days

was inserted after February 23 every couple of years

or so to even things out.

The pontiffs who were in charge of calendar upkeep

didn't always add the extra month on schedule.

(Some officials took advantage of the system

to extend their time in office, for example.)

In around 45 B.C., Julius Caesar commissioned

an expert to put aside the lunar origins

of the Roman calendar and make it sun-based,

like the Egyptian one.

Caesar added 10 days to the calendar year

and an extra day in February every four years.

(The leap-year day was inserted after the 23^rd,

the same time as the old intercalary month.)

Now, the year averaged out to 365.25 days,

very close to the actual average length of a year:

365.2425 days (and even that varies).

Some have speculated that Caesar added a day

to February when he reformed the calendar

—making it 29 days long.

The story goes that when the Senate renamed the month

of Sextilis to honor the emperor Augustus,

that day was subtracted from February

and added to August in order to make

it equal in number to July—

the month named for Caesar.

But this theory is now believed to be bunk;

it's likely that Julius never even added a day to February.

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A blonde, holding a baby, walks into a drugstore

and asks if she can use the store's baby scale.

"Sorry, ma'am," says the storekeeper.

"Our baby scale is broken.

But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby

together on the adult scale,

then weigh the mother alone and subtract the mother’s weight."

"Oh, that won't work," says the blonde.

"Why not?" asks the man.

"Well," she says,

"I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."

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Pretty Woman

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Those Funny Animals

thanks David T

Surfing Dog

I Phone loss

thanks Jayne M

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Pictures taken one second before

thanks Kitty L

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A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel.

The new bride is concerned and asked,

"What if the place is still bugged?"

The groom says

"Hmm... Good point. I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug .

. ."AHA!" he shouts!

Sure enough, under the rug was a small disc shaped plate,

with four screws.

He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws,

throws them and the plate out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds

"How was your room?

How was the service?

How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"

Curious, the groom says,

"And why, sir, are you asking me all of these questions?"

The hotel manager answers

"Well, the room UNDER yours complained

of the chandelier falling on them!"

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Mothers

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A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says

"Mom, give me my toy."

His mother responds by saying,

"What are the magic words?"

So the little boy says the magic words

and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten.

At snack time, the little boy wants some juice,

so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box.

The teacher says "What are the magic words?"

So the little boy says the magic words.

But the teacher gets upset,

and calls the little boy's mother

and asks her to come in.

When the three of them are sitting in the room together,

the teacher asks the mother;

"Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"

"No," the mother says,

"Why, what did he do?"

"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher,

"and I asked him to say the magic words,

and instead of saying please,

he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"

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--

There I fixed it!!!!!!

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Bear Essentials Safety Ad

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Historians have recently discovered that Annie Oakley,

famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister.

The sister, Carrie, gained some renown

in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West,

but it was not until after her death that

she was very widely known.

Today,

countless bars are dedicated to Carrie Oakley.

By night, three violinists played in the symphony orchestra.

During the day, to make a little money on the side, they used their

musical talents by roving the city streets and having impromptu

concerts wherever they thought they could make some money from the

passersby. They called their act:

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Fishermen trying to catch a certain fish that’s popularly sold in small

chunks in jars in a sharp sauce were mortified to discover that they had

instead entrapped a large number of birds frequently found near the

water. Nonetheless they processed their catch and sold the results

under an almost- familiar name. What was it?

-----------------

What inverted cliche describes someone who couldn't get drunk

because the liquor had been diluted?

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What entertainer came from a small closely knit family?

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What do you call a pedicurist who's repeatedly nailed for shoplifting?

A random act of violins

Pickled Heron

The (F)lush was swilling but the spirit was weak.

Mini Purl

A Clip-Toe Maniac

Two miners struck pay dirt with their latest claim,

but began arguing over who should

get what part of the treasure.

Finally, the first miner asked,

"Do you want the silver or the gold?"

The second miner shrugged his shoulders and answered,

"I don't care, either ore."

-

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The Stress Test

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POSTERS

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More weird stuff

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only in Queensland

thanks Kitty L

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and in Canada

thanks David T

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thanks Arthur M

On their 40th wedding anniversary, during the banquet,

the husband was asked to give his friends a brief

account of the benefits of a marriage of such long

duration.

One in the crowd said, "Tell us, just what is it you

have learned from all those wonderful years with your

wife?"

The husband said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is

the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty,

meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness . .

. and a lot of other disciplines that I wouldn't

have needed if I had stayed single."

"I'M GOING FISHING"

Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand,
while the fish swim by in complete safety."

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"IT'S A GUY THING"

Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

-------

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

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"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."

Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

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"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Means: "I have no idea how it works."

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"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

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"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."

Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

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"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Means: "Are you still talking?"

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"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
the address of the first girl I ever kissed,
and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned,
but I forgot your birthday."

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"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."

Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

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"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Means: "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."

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"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."

Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."

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"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

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"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Means: "What did you catch me at?"

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"I HEARD YOU."

Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

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"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"

Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

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"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

Means: ""Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

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"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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Outdoor Cinema