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IRISH OR ITALIAN POPE?...

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, 

whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways.

 In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland,

 Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten

 through their senior year in high school. 

They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, 

and upon graduation, became priests. 

Their careers had come to amaze the world,

 but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola 

was just a wee cut above 

Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal 

was swift to say the least and the Catholic world

 knew that when the present Pope died, 

it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.

 In less time than anyone had expected, 

white smoke rose from the chimney 

and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

 The world, Catholic, Protestant and Secular, was surprised to learn that 

Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise.

 He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, 

Antonio knew 

he was just a bit better qualified.

 With gall that shocked the Cardinals,

 Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them 

in which he candidly asked:

"Why Timothy?"

After a long silence, 

an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply.

 "We knew you were the better of the two, 

but we just could not bear the thought of the leader

 of the Roman Catholic Church being called

 POPE SECOLA !

thanks Gordon H

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Paper is not Dead

                                                this video was forwarded to me by lots of readers

thank you all

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Picture Illusionss...look closely

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Those Funny Animals

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thanks Shelagh N

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My friend Bo wrote that they found about 200 dead crows near Topeka, 

and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu.

 They had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows,

 and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT avian flu,

 to everyone's relief. 

However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks,

 and only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. 

The State then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine

 the disproportionate percentages for truck- versus car-kill. 

The ornithological behaviorist determined the cause in short order. 

When crows eat road kill,

 they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree

 to warn of impending danger. 

His conclusion was that all the lookout crows could say 

"Cah," but none could say "Truck." 

(Lee Bradley)

      

     Punography 

    I tried to catch some Fog. I mist. 

    When chemists die, they barium. 

    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.  

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 

    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. 

    How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. 

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me. 

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. 

    I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words. 

    They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O. 

    PMS jokes aren't funny, period. 

    Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations. 

    Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. 

    Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

    I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 

    Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? 

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 

    What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. 

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! 

    Broken pencils are pointless. 

    What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. 

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . 

    I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. 

    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy  Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. 

    Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. 

    Velcro -- what a rip off! Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. 

    Venison for dinner? Oh deer! 

    Earthquake in Washington is obviously government's fault. 

    I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. 

    Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.  

    No trees were injured in the creation of this email, 

but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

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Red Bull 

Mountain Bike riding

thanks Ray S

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POSTERS

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People vs Winter

some old footage and some new

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Nap time Chinese Style

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German Coastguard

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* You have to be truly brave to cross the street in Tokyo. It's

the only town in the world where the cars' front bumpers know

karate.

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* Italian men are extremely jealous. Even a married man who's not

had anything to do with his wife for twenty years will hit a man

who does.

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* Some men just don't understand the British. A visitor to London

took a cab from the Airport. The female cabdriver asked, "How

far would you want to go?" His case comes up next Thursday.

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* Many of the Eastern religions believe in reincarnation. One poor

fellow, unable to stand his miserable life any longer, committed

suicide. Talk about bad luck -- he came back as himself.

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* The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American servicemen

marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary

to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once

the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands

of miles away.

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* A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue

dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue,

a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenburg".

The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible

an unknown had a name.

The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty

much unknown, but as an accountant -- Oy! He was something."

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Lotto results New Zealand Style

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REAL COOL PICTURES

thanks Joanne W

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North Korea

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Lawyers

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The Most Toys

We've all heard the "Mantra of Capitalism" --

 "He who dies with the most toys, wins." 

How do other isms deal with the philosophy?

Judaism - He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins.

Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.

Atheism - There is no toy maker.

 Anglican - They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox - No, they were ours first.

Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.

Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.

Polytheism - There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.

Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys.

Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys.

B'Hai - All toys are just fine with us.

Amish - Powered toys are surely a sin.

Taoism - The doll is as important as the dump truck.

Mormonism - Every boy may have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second....

Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.

Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.

Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.

Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, 

let's just play with them.

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Old Age and Seniors

thanks Shelagh N

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How to shrink a building

in Japan

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This weeks Signs

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.