539

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Magic Clerk

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More than just a picture......

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Take a step back in time...this guy is like The King reincarnate. Enjoy!

" SIMPLY UNBELIEVABLE"

WATCH IN FULL SCREEN

thanks Geoff C

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What do you call a line of uninformed voters standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

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Every time a new Pope is elected,

 there are many rituals in accordance with tradition, 

but there is one tradition that very few people know about.

Shortly after a new Pope is enthroned,

 the Chief Rabbi of Rome seeks an audience.

 He is shown into the Pope's presence,

 whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion.

 On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled envelope. 

The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.

 The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him 

and does not return until the next Pope is elected.

A new Pope's reign was shortly followed by a new Chief Rabbi.

 He was intrigued by this ritual and that its origins were unknown to him.

 He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it,

 but they came up with nothing.

When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence,

 they faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, 

as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, the Pope called him back.

 "My brother," the Pope whispered,

 "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual,

enacted for centuries between us and you, 

the representative of the Jewish people.

 I have to ask you, what is it all about?"

The Chief Rabbi shrugged and replied: 

"We have no more idea than you do. 

The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history."

The Pope said: "Let us retire to my private chambers

 and enjoy a glass of kosher wine together; 

then with your agreement, we shall open the envelope

 and discover the secret at last."

 The Chief Rabbi agreed.

Fortified in their resolve by the wine, 

they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope

 and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside 

and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper.

 As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. 

They both gasped with shock.

It was a bill for the “Last Supper” from "Moishe the Caterer."

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Those Funny Animals

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Calvin and Hobbes

Awww...........  Cute Animal Pictures

thanks Kitty L

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To cheer you up..

Kid in Love

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Train Delight

Cows in Holland released after being locked up for Winter

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        Consider, if you will, 

the case of the awkward bumble-bee who became ill 

while gathering pollen but continued to work.

 Unfortunately, he thus infected all the flowers with his virus. 

The consequences are recorded in the annals of horticulture as 

. . . the blight of the fumble bee.

A Pat of Butter...

A Pat of butter (named Steve) has lived a long, satisfying life.

 He's very content with it, 

and he realizes that he should end his life here, 

on a happy note.

 However, before he does so,

 he wants to cross a few things off of his "butter list".

First, Steve finds a nearby piece of toast, and hops onto it.

 He spreads himself out,

 and relaxes there for a little while.

 It's fun, 

but he still doesn't feel completely fulfilled with his life.

Next, Steve searches for a second starchy food to hang out on. 

He picks a bagel, and stays even longer than he did on the toast.

 The feeling of being split into a circle revs his engine,

 and it's hard for him to leave.

Finally, Steve finds a third food and spreads on it.

 He stays a very long time,

 and another piece of butter comes over to see what's going on.

 Joe tells him, "I wanted to experience some new things before I die.

 But now that I've done all of them,

 I think it's a good time to go.

 Nice knowing you!"

He is about to pass away when the other butter stops him.

 "Wait, Steve!" he cries.

 "Don't stop now; you're on a roll!"

stolen from Skips House of Chaos

Golf Fails

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 Canada..dont you just love it...

And in Australia

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Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake 

when their boat starts sinking. 

Saul says to Morty,

 "So listen, Morty,

 you know I don't swim so well."

Morty remembers how to carry another swimmer

 from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid, 

so he begins tugging Saul toward shore.

After ten minutes, he begins to tire. 

 Finally about 100 feet from shore,

 Morty asks Saul,

 So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"

Saul replies, "Morty, 

this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"

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Cool Pictures

thanks Joanne W

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Beethoven never thought his music would be interpreted this way !

thanks Wayne W

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POSTERS

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Mr and Mrs Jonah went for a picnic.

The couple has five sons and each son has seven daughters,

 who have three babies each.

In total, how many people went on the picnic?

For Solution: 

Scroll Down

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SOLUTION:

2 people.

Read the 1st line of the puzzle.

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At the Duplex

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Test Drive

thanks to all who sent me this

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Larger than normal Animals

thanks Liz Z

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A Wisconsin trapper came to town to buy a case of soft drinks

 and a copy of 'Of Human Bondage'.

 He left both on a table in a lunchroom, 

and wandered about for a while.  

When he came back, the book had disappeared.  

"You having some trouble?" asked the proprietor.  

"I sure am," answered the trapper. 

"I've found my pop but I've lost my Maugham!"

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AWESOME VIDEO THAT TRICKS WHAT YOU SEE

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WOMEN!!!

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Ankle biters!!

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I was in St. Pete's Beach, FL the other day 

and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read,

 "I miss Chicago."

So I broke the window, stole the radio, 

shot out two of the tires and left a note that read,

 "I hope this helps!"

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Extraordinary Houses from around the World

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This Weeks Signs

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 Thanks Kitty L

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thanks Gordon H

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.