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Here's a video I posted quite a while back for Stevie Boy
Heard it on the radio yesterday and thought it was worth another run
MARIACHI RUMBA


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Just for old time's sake

Husband, upon meeting ex after two years of separation:

"Listen honey, just for old time's sake, why don't we have a leisurely dinner,

share a few glasses of fine wine, go to my apartment and really make love?"

Ex-: "Over my dead body!"

Husband: "There you go! - You haven't changed a bit"

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I feel it is my duty to warn everyone of a major problem,

one that endangers lives, damages property and causes untold misery,

a growing menace that can be summed up in three words:

men doing laundry.

At first glance, MDL may not seem like a big problem,

especially to members of the female species,

who generally prefer MDL to WDL.

But the evidence is overwhelming.

MDL has resulted in millions of discolored clothes, billions of missing socks,

and countless broken relationships.

Wife: "Did you remember to separate the clothes before washing them?"

Husband: "Yes, of course I did. I put the whites at the bottom and the colors on top."

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Gotta love this

British humour at its best

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Wizagra

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Although he always ordered just ham and eggs everyday,

one customer at the diner always studied the menu carefully each day before ordering.

One day, his regular waitress decided to see if he could be made to order anything else.

before giving him the menu she marked out the ham and eggs entry.

Once the customer had looked over the menu for a few minutes,

the waitress approached him and asked,

"Sir, did you notice that I scratched something you like?"

Without looking up from the menu, he quickly replied,

"Well, would you mind washing your hands before you bring me my ham and eggs?"

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This Guy is amazing

Below is his story

Dr. Timothy McCarthy while receiving a medical award for creativity,

reported his findings to the Fellows of Plastic Surgery, concluding with this case study:

"Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana

and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.

All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ass.

I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of the House.

Thanks Liz Z
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Your the one that I want

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Would you eat at any of these Restaurants???

thanks Geoff C


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When he received a journal as a birthday gift,

a twelve-year- old boy was mystified.

"Mom," he asked, "What am I supposed to do with this? The pages are blank."

"You write down interesting stuff that happens to you," she said.

"Oh," he said, a look of enlightenment crossing his face,

"It's like a blog on paper!"

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DRAGONS

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A Sunday school teacher asked the children

just before she dismissed them to go to church,

"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Annie replied,"Because people are sleeping."

Ruben piped up,

"They must be bored again Christians."
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Susie knew she had hit the jackpot when she found a four-leaf clover.

Everything went right for her.

She found a great boyfriend.

She got a great job.

And it hardly ever rained.
Then one day, she left the clover in clothes that went to the dry cleaner.

It was still there when she retrieved the clothes.

But it had been flattened.

Her luck immediately turned rotten.

She lost her boyfriend and the job.

And she was caught in one storm after another.

Finally, she complained to her dad.
"It's like I always tell you," he said.
"Never press your luck!"

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Attractive secretary

Gail, the attractive secretary was inclined to brag way

too much about her "dates" to suit the other women in the office.

One day, she was going on and on about a Texan

who had treated her like a Queen all evening

and at the end ofthe date, gave her 2 hundred dollar bills for "cab fare"

."Imagine that." came a voice from the other side of the filing cabinets,

"A hundred-and-eighty dollar tip."

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Seen at WALMART

thanks Don H
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Ladies........Ideal Xmas Pressie

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An insurance agent was teaching his wife to drive

when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade.

"I can't stop!" she shrilled.

"What should I do?"

"Brace yourself," advised her husband,

"and try to hit something cheap."


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A devout Muslim dies and finds himself before the pearly Gates.

He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.

'No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up,'

and he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter,

he climbs the ladder in great strides,

climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.

He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'

'No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.'

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he continues to climb the ladder and,

yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.

Full of hope, he asks again,

'Are you Mohammed?'

'No, I am Jesus...You will find Mohammed higher up.'

Mohammed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight

and climbs and climbs, ever higher once again,

he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:

'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps,

as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.

'No, my son. I am God. But you look exhausted..

Would you like a coffee?'

'Yes, please, my Lord'

God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:

'Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!'

thanks Liz Z

Another song that I have posted before

Just love this, Don't ask me why, But I do




Pussycat - Mississippi 1975

Where you can hear a country song from far

and someone plays the honky-tonk guitar

Where all the lights will go out one by one

the people join the sun

and the wind takes it away

Where the Mississippi rolls down to the sea

and lovers found the place they'd like to be

how many times before the song was ending

love and understanding

everywhere around

Mississippi, I'll remember you

whenever I should go away

I'll be longing for the day

that I will be in Greenville again

Mississippi, you'll be on my mind

everytime I hear this song

Mississippi roll along

until the end of time

Now the country song for ever lost its soul

when the guitar player turned to rock & roll

and everytime when summernights are falling

I always will be calling dreams of yesterday

Mississippi, I'll remember you

whenever I should go away

I'll be longing for the day

that I will be in Greenville again

Mississippi, you'll be on my mind

everytime I hear this song

Mississippi roll along

until the end of time

Everytime I hear this song

Mississippi roll along

until the end of time.

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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Golf lingo
Things You Shouldn't say off the Golf Course
10. Nuts... my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I we make it a threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.


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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.