404

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Two Information Technology geeks were chatting in a pub after work.

"Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy,

"yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

"Well, I invited her over to my place,

we had a couple of drinks,

we got into the mood

and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off."

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

"I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her

and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."

"Really?

You got a new laptop

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Don't know how your fuel prices

are but here they are forever skywards

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A man was talking to his doctor.

"Listen doc,

I heard that you were compassionate towards helping

a person out that is in pain and suffering.

I heard that you could give a shot to euthanize and relieve all that."

The doctor said,

"I can perform that service if the pain and suffering

is too unbearable for the patient.

How long have you been suffering?"

"Twenty years, doc," said the man.

"Ok, it sounds like you want out of your misery," said the doctor.

"Great!" said the man,

"My wife is in the waiting room, can you put her down now?"


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thanks Kitty L



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This appeared in our local press on March 5th

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Those funny animals

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more Insanity

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

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some Bear toons

-

My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping trip.

One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his food.

"What kind of bear is that?" I asked.

"It's called a Kodiak," Scott replied.

"Oh, yeah?" my husband Keith shot back.

"And I suppose those white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids."

thanks Toni


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Some belated Irish stuff

A fellow was talking to his Irish buddy and said,

"I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey."

"How come?" asked his friend

."Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff,

come home, make mad passionate love to the wife,

wake up Sunday morning, and go to church."

"What's wrong with that?" the Irishman asked.

"A lot of good Irishmen go out on Saturday night,

drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey,

come home, make love to the wife, and go to mass on Sunday."

"I know," said his friend,

"but I'm Jewish!"

An Irish daughter
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child?

Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?

Why didn't ye call?

Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?

'The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff..

.Dad...I became a prostitute

.''Ye what!? Get out a here,

ye shameless harlot! Sinner!

You're a disgrace to this Catholic family

''OK, Dad... as ye wish.

I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat,

title deed to a ten bedroom mansion,

plus a $5 million savings certificate.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex.

And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible

that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club...

(takes a breath)...

and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve

on board my new yacht in the Riviera.

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!

Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl!

I thought ye said a Protestant !

Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!'

thanks Gordon H

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thanks Toni


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In the days of old, when Genghis Kahn's men were running over Asia,

they set their sights on further shores.

Rather than 'huns,' these warriors were known as Kahn's men, or simply, Kahns.

When they had conquered all the way to the water's edge,

they build boats, gathered their loot, and bravely went to sea.

By a sad twist of fate, they encountered an island of lepers,

which resulted in most of the crew being infected.

Hastily leaving that island, they set sail again,

but by the time they reached Ireland,

there wasn't much left of them.

Disembarking on stubby limbs, they set forth,

but were soon set upon by the natives for the riches they carried.

Rotted away, but still clever,

they hid on the island and awaited rescue,

and the locals never did get their hands on the treasure.

And that's how the story of the little people got started in Ireland -

- the leper Kahn's and their pots of gold.

Cunning though diseased,

the Kahns were never fooled by those who tried

to trick them out of their pots of gold

by swapping them for an empty pot -

- thus the saying:

"You cannot change a leper's pots."

-- Gill Krebs


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I heard my wife mention one morning while getting ready for church.

"I sure need some new stockings."

When she went into the bakery on the way home that afternoon,

I spied a clothing store next door.

So, I thought I would surprise her,

and went in to buy her some new stockings...

"Can I help you?" the sales lady asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"I would like to get some stockings for my wife, please."

"Sheer?" she asked.

"No, she ain't here," I replied.

"She's next door at the bakery." --

Stan Kegel

thanks Toni


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thanks Liz Z

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thanks Kitty L



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Religion

thanks Kitty L


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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

SOMETHING TO SOOTHE






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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au

thanks Jammo