Phils Phun

410

Its that time of the year again

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A great jigsaw puzzle to do............

Drag the pieces by holding down the left mouse button.

The pieces will lock together when in the correct position. ENJOY !!!

http://www.jigidi.com/solve.php?id=VTNCHLS9

thanks Kitty L

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Fable of the porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together.

They were covered and protected, but the quills of each wounded the closest companion.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves, and they began to die, alone and frozen.

So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions

or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together.

They learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by their close relationships

because the most important part was the heat that came from the others.

They were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people,

but the one that forms when individuals learn to live with the imperfections

and admire the good qualities of others.

The Moral of the story:

LEARN TO LOVE THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE.

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Most Friday nights at the Naval Station in Bermuda,

we would assemble at the officers club after work.

One Friday, Rick, a newly married ensign, insisted he had to leave at 6 p.m

. We all tried to talk him into staying,

but he'd promised his bride he'd be home by six.

I offered to call home for Rick.

When his wife answered the phone, I said,

"Rick has been kidnapped.

Put five dollars in small, unmarked bills in a plain brown paper bag

and throw it in the door of the officers' club."

Then I hung up.

A short time later, a waiter brought a grocery bag to our table.

In it were Rick's baseball glove, a tennis racket and a teddy bear.

Attached to the bear was a note:

"Rick can play kidnapped until 7 p.m.

Then he must come home."

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Mexican Army

thanks Liz Z

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THOSE FUNNY ANIMALS

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thanks Pommy Jayne

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Ramps are for sissy's

thanks Kitty L

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Can you spot the cat?

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A woman in Texas who couldn't afford new curtains,

decided to dye her old ones blue.

She got out a vat, mixed some brilliant blue dye, and set to work.

While the woman was hanging her curtains on the line,

her little white lamb fell into the vat.

He was fished out, unhurt, and went scurrying off to dry in the sun.

A passing motorist observed the bright blue lamb,

thought he'd discovered a new species,

and came up offering twice the market price.

The woman decided she had a pretty good thing.

Next day she dyed a second lamb.

It, too, sold almost immediately at a fancy price.

From this start she developed quite a business

-- buying, dyeing and selling lambs.

She turned out to be the biggest lamb dyer in Texas.

Stan Kegel

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Love this advert

thanks Liz Z

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thanks Denis Mc

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ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club... or two more balls.

If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out,

you have two options:

You can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear

and then top a ball halfway there...

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion

that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt. For a 10.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule

is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It's not a gimme if you're still 5 feet away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line

that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; I.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

One of my personal favorites:

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands:

How many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract; fairways repel. Keep this in mind.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.

If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

It's easier to get up at 6:00 am. to play golf than at 10:00 am. to mow the lawn.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....

That's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen.

And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon.

On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart, if you are performing Brain Surgery!!!!

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Bob M: This morning I waded across a raging river,

escaped from bears in the woods, marched up and
down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy,
crawled out of quicksand and climbed up an
enormous tree.
Bill P: Wow, you must be a great outdoorsman?
Bob M: No, I'm just a lousy golfer

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Rolling Stones Triple play

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Super Hero's

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• Brain teaser for you

THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM.
RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING.
IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS
ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS!!

1.A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.
The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns,
and the third is full of lions that haven't eatenin 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?

2.A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for
over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go
out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

3.What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray
when you throw it away?

4.Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5.This is an unusual paragraph.
I'm curious as to just how quickly
you can find out what is so unusual about it.
It looks so ordinary
and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it.
In fact,nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and thinkabout it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it abit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:

&

&
&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

&

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English
language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

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Warning
Naughty Jokes

A while back, when I was considerably younger,
I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.
She ordered the most expensive items on the menu.
Champagne, Shrimp cocktail, Lobster a nice Puligny Montrachet followed by some Louis XIII.
I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like this when you eat at home?"
"No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job.";
I asked her if she wanted dessert.

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A Frenchman was arrested
and charged with having sex with a dead woman.
"How do you plead?" asked the judge.
"Guilty or not guilty?"
"Not guilty," replied the man.
"On what grounds?" queried the judge.
"I didn't know she was dead..
.I thought she was an American."

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