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Watch all of this

thanks Toni

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A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over

. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel,

 and there was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.

He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine

 if you are under the influence of alcohol."

She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car.

After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said,

 "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."

She turned red, and replied,

 "You mean it shows that, too?"

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thanks Kitty L

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thanks Liz Z

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thanks Vin Vin

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Charm School

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation

during an endless wait at Perth International airport.

 The first lady was an arrogant American married to a wealthy businessman.

The second was a well-mannered, elderly woman, from Kalgoorlie.

When the conversation centred on whether they had any children,

 the American woman started by saying,

 "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

 The lady from Kalgoorlie commented,

 "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued,

 "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.

 Again, the lady from Kalgoorlie commented,

 "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued boasting,

 "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.

Yet again, the lady from Kalgoorlie commented,

 "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman then asked her companion,

"What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

 "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Kalgoorlie lady

. "Charm school?" the first woman cried,

 "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"

The elderly Kalgoorlie lady responded,

 "Well for example, instead of saying

 "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say,

 "Well, isn't that precious"....

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Those funny Animals

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thanks Corey P.G

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News Reporter Goes Crazy brought to you by Free Videos

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thanks Brian W

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A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill

The doctor checks him over and says,

 'Sorry, I have some bad news,

you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.

It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow

and you usually only have 24 hours to live.

There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy

 your final precious moments on earth.'

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.

Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening

as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.

Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320!

Then he gets the full house and wins £1000!!

Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000!!!

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,

'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners,

 a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card.

You must be the luckiest man on Earth!'

'Lucky?' he screamed.

 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 .'

'F*** me,' says the bingo caller.

 'You've won the raffle as well !!

thanks Jayne M

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Todays Music

Manfred Mann

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• TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH...

10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

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SENIORS

thanks Shelagh N

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Advice to Old Guy at the Gym

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was attempting to work out at the gym

when he spotted a sweet young thing....

 He asked the trainer who was nearby,

 "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said,

 "I would try the ATM in the lobby."

thanks Toni

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I've often been asked,

 'What do you do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background

and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine.

 It's rewarding, uplifting,

satisfying and fulfilling

. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."

thanks Toni

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thanks Jayne M

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Now here's a good idea!!

thanks Toni

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thanks Joe B

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Picture of the Day

Western Australia

 one of the figures on Lake Ballard near Kambalda

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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.