422

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The return of Dr Spock

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Political Cartoons

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A young man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York City.

He tells the saleslady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34B."

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked,

 "What kind of bra?"

He repeated, "A Jewish bra.

She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra,

and that you would know what she wanted."

"Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady.

 "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to.

 Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra,

 or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra."

Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked

 "So, what are the differences?"

The saleslady responded. "It is all really quite simple.

 The Catholic bra supports the masses,

the Salvation Army lifts up the fallen,

 and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright."

He mused on that information for a minute and said:

 "Hmm. I know I'll regret asking, but what does the Jewish bra do?"

"Ah, the Jewish bra," she replied,

 "makes mountains out of molehills".

thanks Kitty L

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In the line at the store,

 the cashier told the older woman that

plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.

 The woman apologized to her and explained,

"We didn’t have the green thing back in my day

."That’s right, they didn’t have the green thing in her day.

Back then,

they returned their milk bottles,

Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store.

The store sent them back to the plant to be washed

andsterilized and refilled,

 using the same bottles over and over

. So they really were recycled.

But they didn’t have the green thing back her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs,

 because they didn’t have an escalator

 in every store and office building.

 They walked to the grocery store

 and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every

time they had to go two blocks.

But she’s right. They didn’t have the green thing in her day.

Back then,

 they washed the baby’s diapers because

 they didn’t have the throw-away kind.

 They dried clothes on a line,

 not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts

 – wind and solar power really did dry the clothes.

 Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters,

 not always brand-new clothing.

But that old lady is right,

 they didn’t have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house

 – not a TV in every room.

And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish,

not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand

 because they didn’t have electric machines to do everything for you.

 When they packaged a fragile item

to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper

 to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then,

 they didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn.

 They used a push mower that ran on human power.

They exercised by working so they didn’t need

 to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right, they didn’t have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty,

 instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle

 every time they had a drink of water.

They refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen,

 and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead

 of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But they didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then,

 people took the streetcar and kids walked

 or rode their bikes to school,

 instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

 They had one electrical outlet in a room,

not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances

. And they didn’t need a computerized gadget

 to receive a signal beamed from satellites

 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But they didn't have the green thing back then!

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For the Dr Who fans

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Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit,

with crashing thunder and severe lightning.

As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m.,

I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey,

 apparently scared by the loud storm.

I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children and explained

 that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad,

 but when I was expected home, please don’t sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later,

 Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time.

Since the plane was late,

 everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane’s arrival,

along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me,

 and came running shouting,

“Hi, Dad! I’ve got some good news!”

As I waved back, I said loudly,

 “What’s the good news?”

Alex shouted,

 “Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!”

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Extreme ironing is an extreme sport and a performance art in which people take an ironing board to a remote location and iron items of clothing. Some locations where such performances have taken place include a mountainside of a difficult climb; a forest; in a canoe; while skiing or snowboarding; on top of large bronze statues; in the middle of a street; underwater; in the middle of the M1 Motorway; whilst parachuting and under the ice cover of a lake. The performances have been conducted solo or by groups. Would you like to try?

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more fun than planking!!

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A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary,

thought it would help him better understand the fears

 and temptations his future congregations faced

 if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.

 He passed the physical examination;

then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly

and wisely in an emergency.

 Among other questions he was asked,

 “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”

 He thought for a moment and then replied,

 “I would take up a collection."

thanks Toni

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Those funny animals

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Creative  Ads

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Two guys were walking down the street one day when they

 came across a small pair of gym shorts on the ground.

 They decided to put a sign up on the church bulletin board,

 so the rightful owner could claim them.

The first fellow starts to write out the sign,

 "FOUND: one pair of boys gym shorts..."

"Hold on," says the second,

 "those are girls' gym shorts."

"No they're not," says the first.

 "They're boys shorts!"

The second grabs them from him and takes a closer look,

 "No, no... definitely girls gym shorts!"

The two of them are inspecting the shorts in turns and arguing.

 "Boys shorts!"

"No, girls shorts!"

"Definitely boys shorts!"...

. and so on.

The local priest is walking past as the two men argue

 and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about.

 The first guy tells the priest,

 and asks him if he could sort out the argument.

The priest takes the shorts, has a good long sniff,

 and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says,

 "Definitely boys shorts! ..

. but not from my parish!"

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cool garage door



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In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink

. It had a single word on it,

 "THINK!"

The next day, when he went to the men's room,

 he looked at the sign and right below it,

 immediately above the soap dispenser,

someone had carefully lettered another sign which read,

"THOAP!"

thanks Kitty L

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thanks Corey P.G

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When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig,

 he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces.

 He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes;

 a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.

The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth

 and spread some kind of creamy substance on it.

 Then they began fitting the pieces together.

 In less than a half hour,

 they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief.

"What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"

The crew chief said,

 "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

thanks Toni

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thanks Kitty L

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CHECK THIS OUT

Click on the MAP in the upper right hand corner

to bring down a visual menu of the different sites within the museum,

then click on a dot within that site to view the exhibits

 from that camera angle and then follow (click on) the arrows.

It doesn't get much cooler than this!

http://www.nmusafvirtualtour.com/full/tour-pkg.html

thanks David J

 
 

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thanks Kitty L

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 unbelievable but true

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Why Didn't I think of this!



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Todays Music

Jim Reeves

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Some Funny Signs

Picture of the Day

Western Australia

 Albany... looking out accross Princes Royal Harbour

taken from Postcards WA Facebook page

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.