Phils Phun

563

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The World is still full of Awesome People

Thai Mobile Ad

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Tarzan with a twist

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Vincent

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Those Funny Animals

If it fits ....Isit

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Giraffe Slug Fest

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A guy’s mother is having her 60th birthday party,

and he wants to find her a really special present.

After weeks of searching to no avail, and

a mere hour before his mother’s birthday party is supposed to start,

he finds himself in a pet shop.

He tells the proprietor about his problem, and the owner says,

“Why don’t you buy her a parrot?”

“A parrot?” the guy exclaims,

“What would she do with a parrot?”

The owner goes on, “This is no ordinary parrot.

He talks!”

“So? He’s a parrot – he’s supposed to talk!”

“Yeah, but this is no ordinary parrot.

He talks like a human being – not a bird.

He actually engages you in conversation!

Here, let me show you!”

And so the owner starts chatting with the bird,

and sure enough, the parrot answers him

– responds to him –

even goes as far as asking questions of his own.”

The man is flabbergasted, but delighted.

He’s finally found the perfect gift for his mother!

He pays the exorbitant price of $5000 for the parrot

and takes it to his mother’s birthday party.

Unfortunately, there are so many people already there,

that he only has time to present her with the gift without an explanation.

The party goes late,

and the man decides to stay over instead of driving all the way home.

The next morning,

the guy awakes to the aroma of his mother cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

He goes downstairs, and to his horror,

realizes she is cooking the parrot!

“Mom!” “What are you doing?”

His mother replies,

“I’m cooking the chicken you bought me for my present!”

“That wasn’t a chicken, Mom!

That was a five thousand dollar parrot!”

“My goodness,” says the mother,

“That seems like an awful lot of money to spend on a parrot…”

The guy is practically in tears as he says,

“You don’t understand, Mom!

That was a very special parrot!

He talked – but not like a parrot,

like a real human being – not a bird.

He’d actually engage you in conversation!”

The mother stops and thinks for a few seconds and then replies,

“Well, he shoulda said something.”

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Phun Phacts

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For a Graveyard game of Golf

Click this link

http://www.halloweenmountain.com/minigolf.php

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In the heyday of the Russian Empire,

the representatives of monarchy were quite diligent

in ferreting out any possible source of revenue.

Naturally, the long-suffering peasantry used every mechanism

to avoid the tax collectors,

but sometimes circumstances conspired to defeat

even the cleverest and most ambitious farmer.

The problem is well illustrated by the fate of one Ivan Sergeivitch,

who invested a substantial sum of money in improving the fertility of his fields.

As a result, his yields of barley, wheat,

and other grains grew apace.

Soon he decided to turn his yield directly into consumer products,

and he began selling a variety of baked goods,

such as bread, rolls, and pastries.

As his income increased, he invested in additional acreage,

and in turn, in increased sales of his baked goods

. In other words, he became the quintessential capitalist.

As sometimes happens, though,

his productivity outstripped his ability to sell the finished product,

and so he resorted to the inevitable:

He put up signs along the roads advertising his bakery and its goods.

This unfortunate step brought him to the attention of the authorities,

who imposed a list of punishing taxes on his once-thriving operation.

As a neighbor pointed out to the once-again-poor Ivan,

it was just another reason for the existence of the old Russian proverb:

"Don't let the tsars get in your ryes."

A young woman had just filled a washing machine

in the Laundromat when she noticed a man begin removing shoes

from another washing machine that had just finished its spin dry cycle.

The man's entire washing load consisted of nothing but sneakers

and he tossed them into the gaping hole of the dryer against the wall.

When he had finished, he had loaded at least ten pairs of sneakers into the dryer

. The man then struggled to remove the change needed for the dryer from his pocket.

His task was made more difficult by the tight fitting jeans he wore.

So, as he withdrew his hand from his pocket,

a number of dimes fell from his fist and rolled around the floor.

Immediately, the man fell to the floor and began to retrieve his dimes.

But, alas, they had rolled beneath the washing machines

and were not accessible.

He turned to the young woman and said:

"This has not been my day. Everything has gone wrong.

And this has been the icing on the cake."

"There has to be some good in every day," the young woman said.

"Surely this incident can't be as bad as you make it out to be."

"Ah. But you are wrong my friend," he replied

. "What you don't realize is that these are the dimes that dry men's soles."

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Flash Mob

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France

Targets English Tourists

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Meanwhile at Starbucks

Canadian Coffee

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Hamsters

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Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him,

"Do you want the winner of the next race?"

Paddy replies "No tanks, I couldn't keep it,

I've only got a small garden."

Paddy and Mick found 2 hand grenades

and decided to take them to the police station.

Mick, "What if one explodes before we can get there?"

Paddy, “We'll tell a fib and say we only found one!”

A coach load of Paddies on a mystery tour

decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going.

The driver won £52!

Paddy's racing snail was not winning races anymore

So he decided to take its shell off to reduce its weight

and make him more aerodynamic but it didn’t work,

if anything it made him more sluggish.

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out

of it so he phones the police and says,

"Bejesas, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb.

The operator asks,

"Is it tickin?

Paddy says, "No I tink it's turkey"

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Africa is not for wimps