17

G'day again

Has been some much needed rain today and showers

are forecast for the next few days.

Never say no to rain

More Bears





Its those British Polar Bears again






My wifes favourite book


ONE-UPMANSHIP
Three young women are at a cocktail party.
The conversation turns to their position in life
and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says,
"My husband is taking me to the French Riviera
for two weeks on vacation,"
and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says,
"Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,"
and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says,
"Well, to be perfectly honest with you,
we don't have much money and
we don't have any material possessions.
However, one thing I can tell you about my husband
is that thirteen canaries can stand
shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says,
"Girls, I've got a confession to make.
I was just trying to impress you.
You know that vacation I was telling you about?
Well, it's not to the French Riviera,
it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says,
"Your honesty has shamed me.
It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth."
"Well," the third one says,
"I also have a confession to make,
canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"

There was once a mean old magician

who lived next door to his two beautiful assistants.

He mistreated them terribly,

but they were afraid of him and his

magic tricks and were too scared to leave.

He owed his fame to them,

for people would come from miles

around to see them on stage,

and to see the crowning act of his performance

when he would saw the girls in

half right before their very eyes.

The crowds would cheer and cheer for the girls,

but the more they did the more

the magician resented them,

and the worse his treatment became.

He would have rid himself of them,

but he knew they were the only reason

his show remained popular.

One night as he locked the girls away

in their house he failed to latch the bolt fully,

and left the door unlocked.

The girls had been waiting for

just this opportunity.

They crept out of their house, across the yard,

out the gate, down the path,

and into his yard.

They tip-toed across the yard and waited

under his bedroom window until they

heard the sound of snoring.

They crept in through the door,

went to his magicians' trunk and removed

the saw that he used on stage.

They snuck into his room,

and standing one either side of his bed,

sawed him clean in two with his very own saw.
If you live by the sawed, you die by the sawed

This is video clip very very funny,

if you don't find this funny ,

then there no hope for you

Italian Logic

An old Italian Mafia “Don” is dying

and he calls his grandson to his bed.

“Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka

my chrome plated 38 revolver

so you always remember me.”

“But, Grandpa, I really don’t lika guns.

Howz about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?”
“Shuddup an’a lissin.

Somma day you gonna runna da business.

You gonna have a beauti fula wife,

lotsa money, a bigga home

and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna comma home

and maybe find your wife inna bed

with another man.

Whadda you gonna do then …

Pointa to you watch and say,

“Times up”?

Acouple of computer funnies

Todays look at Western Australia courtesy of [GdayWA.com]
Another Pub in Kalgoorlie

Derby in the North with the tide changing

Some of these tides are 6 metres

and if you get caught on a mud flat when the tides

coming in you have no chance of out running it

Sharon Leal and friend "You don't bring me flowers anymore"

16

G'day All

Its Saturday arvo here in sunny Western Australia

Ihave just watched the footy[Aussie Rules]

And the West Coast Eagles have now won 5 on the trot,

by beating the Richmond Tigers by 23 points in Melbourne

Grand Final winners 2006



Any one who knows me, knows that I have
an affection for bears



British Polar Bears





Jim owned a pub in Kalgoorlie,
and in the summertime a swarm of flies
seemed to just hover over the buffet table.
This had been going on for about a month.
Stevie, the neighbourhood freeloader,
walked in one day.
"I'm not giving you another free beer!"
Jim hollered, as he noticed Steve.
Steve was not without a plan, however.
He approached Jim and offered him a deal.
"I've been noticing these flies for the last weeks.
If you'll give me a beer,
I'll kill every one of them for you."
Jim gave him the agreed beer.
Once he had downed it,
Steve got up and headed for the door.
"All right," he shouted,
"send them out - one at a time!"

A beautiful, voluptuous woman
goes to see a gynaecologist.
The doctor takes one good look at this woman
and his professionalism is a thing of the past.
Right away he tells her to undress.
After she has disrobed he begins
to stroke her thigh.
As he does he says to the woman:
"Do you know what I`m doing ?"
"Yes," she says,
"you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
"Yes," says the woman,
"you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That`s right," replies the doctor.
He then gradually proceeds to
having sexual intercourse with her.
"Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"
"Yes," she says.
"You`re getting herpes."
================


Men Cartoons

Specialist Cuisine

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson

about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said,

"My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil.

It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,

arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority,

lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good.

It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,

kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity,

truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute

and then asked his grandfather:

"Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied,

"The one you feed"...

One of the pups in a breeder's litter of collies

had a strange appetite, fostered no doubt,

because the dog fancier's kennel was deep in the southern United States.

The odd youngster spurned regular dog food,

no meaty tid-bits could tempt him and he hated dog biscuits.

Just in time to save the little dog's life,

the owner found he would eat nothing but watermelons.

He doted on them.

His brother pups could not understand this

and they teased him unmercifully.

He became the butt of their pranks

until his tail would droop and he would

whimper and shiver in a corner.

His mother, trying to comfort him, called him to her.

She said,
"Come to me, my melon collie baby."




Kalgoorlie's oldest pub [1895]

Wave Rock [near Hyden]

pictures courtesy of [GdayWA.com]

Running Scared Roy Orbison

15

Zangy Comment Graphics

G'day All April 26th[wifes birthday]

easy to remember as its the day after ANZAC Day

This is sure to make you smile

Cure for a cough
The owner of a chemist shop [drugstore] walks in
to find a bloke leaning heavily against a wall with
an odd look on his face.
The owner asks one of his assistants
"Whats with the bloke over by the wall?"
The assistant says
"Well, He came in here at 8.30am to get something
for his cough, I couldn't find the cough medicine,
so I gave him a bottle of laxatives"
The owner says
"You idiot, you can't treat a cough with laxatives"
The assistant says
'Oh yeah!.....look at him
He's afraid to cough"



Todays CUTE picture




Nebraskans finally became tired
of leaning into the wind,
having their topsoil blown away,
and chickens laying their eggs
two and three times.
Seems the wind continually
came down from Canada,
and there was nothing (worth mentioning)
between Canada and Nebraska to stop it.
So the Nebraska farmers all got together
and decided to build a fence across
the northern border of the state of Nebraska:
the idea being to stop that cold wind.
It might have worked, too.
The barbed wire they used was strong enough.
But the real problem was that a couple of owners
of farms on that upper border
kept leaving their gates open.
-------------------------------------------

GHOST PHOTOGRAPHY
There was this haunted house on the outskirts

of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk

- the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided

to get the scoop of the day by photographing

the fearsome phantom.

When he entered the house, armed with only his camera,

the ghost descended upon him,

clanking chains et al.

He told the ghost "I mean no harm -

I just want your photograph".

The ghost was quite happy at this

chance to make the headlines -

he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed

back to his dark room,

and began developing the photos.

Unfortunately,

they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

Payback time


ITALIAN LOVER
A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen
named Guido was relaxing at his
favorite bar in Rome when he managed
to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where
he led her back to his apartment and,
after some small talk,
they retired to his bedroom
where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile,
"So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned,
and replied, "No."
Surprised, Guido reached for her
and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly
and there were screams of passion.
The sex finally ends and, again,
Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause,
she returns his smile,
cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was
going to leave this woman unsatisfied,
Guido reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength,
he barely manages it,
but they end together screaming,
bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head,
he looks into her eyes,
smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak,
the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear,
"No, I Norwegian."











Perth at night viewed from Kings Park

Its a wonderful World Louis Armstrong

14

G'dayAll

Today April 25th is Anzac Day in Australia

ANZAC Day - 25 April

- is probably Australia's most important national occasion.

It marks the anniversary of the first major

military action fought by Australian and New Zealand

forces during the First World War.

ANZAC stands for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps.

The soldiers in those forces quickly

became known as ANZACs,

and the pride they soon took in that name endures to this day.

As your reading this, take a quiet moment,

60 seconds of silence is all

just a short time to remember

A MINUTE

to remember the

1. 500,000 Australians who've served in 13 wars

The 225,000 who were wounded

And the 100,000 who never made it back

Consider the sacrifice they made

for all of us

So we the lucky ones

can be sitting here reading this

A scence played out in dawn rememberance
dawn sevices across the country today




the Diggers famous slouch hat

The Unknown Soldier
The original unknown soldier was entombed in

Westminster Abbey in London on 11 November 1920.

His body was selected by a blindfolded brigadier

from six that had been recovered from

all the major Western Front battlefields.

He was assumed to have been British

but could have been a Canadian, a New Zealander, or even an Australian,

and was intended to represent all the young men

of the British Empire killed during the Great War.

An unknown French soldier was buried under

the Arc de Triomphe on the same day

and several other allied nations

soon entombed unknown soldiers of their own.
Plans for an Australian unknown soldier

were first put forward in the 1920s

but it was not until 1993 that an unknown Australian

was at last brought home.

To mark the 75th anniversary

of the end of the First World War,

the body of an unknown Australian soldier

was recovered from Adelaide Cemetery

near Villers-Bretonneaux in France

and transported to Australia .

After lying in state in King's Hall in Parliament House,

he was interred in the Hall of Memory

at the Australian War Memorial on 11 November 1993.

The unknown Australian soldier was buried

in a Tasmanian blackwood coffin

with a slouch hat and a sprig of wattle,

and soil from the Pozieres battlefield was scattered in his tomb.
The unknown soldier represents

all Australians who have been killed in war.

Thousands at PNG Anzac service
From correspondents in Port Moresby
April 25, 2007
THOUSANDS of people, including hundreds

of Kokoda Track walkers,

attended a dawn Anzac Day service

at the Bomana War Cemetery near Port Moresby today.
Candles, a school choir and a PNG Defence Force

honour guard featured in the service

held on a slope above rows of white tombstones

marking the graves of Australians

and other Allied troops who died in PNG during WWII.
The service was attended by

PNG Governor-General Paulias Matane,

Australian High Commissioner Chris Moraitis,

other diplomats, Australian and PNG war veterans

and a good portion of Port Moresby's

Australian and New Zealand expatriate population.
Meanwhile, more than 200 Australian trekkers

attended a dawn service on the Kokoda Track,

at the Isurava Memorial,

after they timed their walk to be there for Anzac Day.
The track was the scene of bloody fighting

between Australian and Japanese soldiers in 1942

and is becoming increasingly popular with Australian trekkers.




Beaconsfield miners mark Anzac Day

April 25, 2007
THE two survivors of the Beaconsfield mine disaster

were at an Anzac Day dawn service in the

small Tasmanian town today,

a year after the mine collapse that killed their mate.
Miner Larry Knight, 44, died and Todd Russell and Brant Webb

became trapped when a seismic incident

caused a rock fall at the gold mine about 9.30pm (AEST),

on Anzac Day last year.
Mr Russell and Mr Webb were trapped underground for two weeks.
The people of Beaconsfield will commemorate

the disaster on May 9,

the anniversary of the day the pair was rescued.
West Tamar mayor Barry Easther

said the date was chosen in consultation with the RSL,

the local council and the Anzac Day committee.
He said May 9 was a poignant choice.
"That was the day Larry Knight was laid to rest

and the day that Brant Webb and

Todd Russell were rescued," he said.
"We didn't want to complicate Anzac Day

with thoughts about the rock fall that happened

in the evening (of April 25) last year."
Mr Easther said the May 9 commemoration

would include a service to remember Mr Knight.
Mr Webb and Mr Russell still live in Beaconsfield

and both have no plans to move away.
Mr Easther said the mine was still

on the minds of everyone in the town.
"Anzac Day brings back unforgettable memories

of what happened at 9.23pm on April 25 last year," he said.
He said the town was coping well a year on.
"We are a vibrant community

and we have been blessed with large numbers

of visitors coming here because

of the mine and what happened.
"People from all over the world have been touched

by the story that came out of Beaconsfield

and they feel a real need to visit

the place where it all happened."
About 100 people gathered at the Beaconsfield Cenotaph

this morning to mark Anzac Day.

13

G'day All

Its monday again

Toward the end of Sunday service,
the Minister asked,
“How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time,
except one small elderly lady.
“Mrs. Jones?”
“Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please
come down in front & tell us all how a person
can live ninety-eight years & not
have an enemy in the world?
”The little sweetheart of a lady tottered
down the aisle,
faced the congregation,
and said: “I outlived the bitches.”

----------------------------------



A man hated his wife's cat and
he decided to get rid of it.
He drove 20 blocks away from
home and dropped the cat there.
The cat was already walking up the
driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the
cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept increasing the number of blocks
but the cat kept coming home before him.
At last he decided to drive
a few miles away, turn right,
then left, past the bridge,
then right again and another right
and so on until he reached what
he thought was a perfect spot
and dropped the cat there.
Hour later....
The man calls his wife at home and asked her,
"Jen is the cat there?"
"Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated the man said,"
Put that damn cat on the phone,
I am lost and I need directions!!!




Say no more




The newly-hired bellhop is asking an
older employee what the tips were like.
The senior bellhop tells him,
"Just wait for the Preachers' Convention."
"Why? Are they generous?"
"Let's put it this way.
Last year they showed up with the
Ten Commandments in one hand
and a ten dollar bill in the other,
and when they left they hadn't broken either."



Only a Blonde would ask this question




The new TV reality show in Ireland

At school little billy was told by a classmate

that most adults are hiding

at least one dark secret,

and that this makes it very easy

to blackmail them by saying,

”I know the whole truth.”
Little billy decided to go home and try it out.

He went home, and as he was greeted by his mother
He said, “I know the whole truth.”

His mother quickly handed him $20 and said,

“just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waited for

his father to get home from work,

and greeted him with,

”I know the whole truth.”

billy’s father promptly handed him $50 and said,

“please don’t say a word to your mother!”
Very pleased, the boy was on his way

to school the next day when he saw

the mailman at his front door.

Little billy greeted him by saying,

“I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately dropped the mail,

opened his arms saying,

“then come give your daddy a big hug.”

A pretty little beach in Albany

on the South Coast

Very clever

Bette Midler The Rose

12

G'day all
Hope you are enjoying whats left of the weekend


Zangy Comment Graphics

Spot the Pommy tourist

Sighted in Cook town [Queensland]

Recruiting any and all pilots
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided

that he would personally intervene in the recruiting

crisis affecting all of our armed services.

He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be

opened and that all eligible young men

and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a

brand new F-15 Fighter,

a pair of twin brothers who looked like they

had just stepped off a Marine Corps

recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them,

stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked,

"Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

. The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

. The general gets all excited,

turns to his aide and says,

"Get him in today, all the paper work done,

everything, do it!"

. The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked,

"What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!" .

"Son," the general replies,

"we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force,

what do you know how to do?"

. "I chop wood!" .

"Young man," huffs the general,

"you are not listening to me,

we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

. "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says,

"So what, Ihave to chop it before he can pile it!"

A mortician had a new apprentice

who was learning the embalming ropes.

He walked into the embalming room

where a body was lying on the table.

Thinking he knew enough now to begin

the procedure without his boss,

he began examining the body.

He rolled it over and to his amazement

there was a cork in its ass.
Mystified, he pulled it out,

and immediately heard;

"Good old Collingwood forever"

come out the guys arse.

Startled by what had happened,

he shoved the cork back into the body

and ran up the stairs to find his mentor;

"Sir, you've got to come down and me,

I've just seen something I can't believe."

Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant,

he said OK and followed him downstairs;
"There, look at the cork in the ass of that body,

I couldn't imagine what it was

doing there so I pulled it out.

Please you do it."
The mortician was a bit surprised

to see the cork, too,

so he walked to the table and

removed the cork, and sure enough:-

"Good old Collingwood forever" began to play.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork

in its appointed position,

turned to his assistant and said:

"What's so surprising about that?

I've heard thousands of arseholes sing that song!

-------------------------

THE PATIENT WAITER
A customer was continually bothering

the waiter in a restaurant.

First, he'd asked that the air conditioning

be turned up because he was too hot,

then he asked it be turned down

because he was too cold,

and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient,

he walked back and forth and never once got angry.

So finally, a second customer asked him

why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile.

"We don't even have an air conditioner."

-------------------------

CUTE

A big bull, a middle-sized bull, and a little bull

were walking down a country lane.

They came to a beautiful field of alfalfa,

tall, juicy, and delicious.

There was a convenient hole in the fence,

and the big bull shouldered the other

two aside and went in to eat his fill.

The other two bulls went on down

the lane and came to a clover field,

fragrant, tender and inviting.

The middle-sized bull noticed that the gate was open,

so he shoved the little bull to one side

and went in to enjoy the clover.

The little bull continued down the lane.

Finally he came to the village suburbs,

then to the business area,

to the heart of the village,

and finally to the countryside beyond.

The moral of the story:

a little bull goes a long way.

Sunset on Rottnest Island

Rottnest Island is a holiday island 12 miles

off the west coast due west of Perth and Fremantle

CLASSIC Bobby Vinton Mr Lonely

[A song with some meaning in todays world]

11

G'day and welcome

Its Friday already and time for another weekend

of Footy [Aussie Rules]

Last weekend the West Coast Eagles played

the across town team The Fremantle Dockers

the picture below says it all

A bruised and battered turtle crawls into a police station.
He says to the cop:
"A gang of snails just beat me up!".
The cop says: "Did you get a good look at them?".
The turtle says:
"Well no, it happened so fast!"
[Thanks Miss C]
---------------------

A company looking to hire someone for an important
position narrowed the dozens of applicants down to three.
They decided to give them all one last question,
and to hire the one with the best answer.
The question:
A man and woman are lying in bed, nude.
The woman is lying on her side
with her back facing the man,
and the man is lying on his side
facing the woman's back.
What is the man's name?
The first two gave up.
The third said, "I'm not exactly sure,
but I have it narrowed down to two names:
It's either Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."
--------------------

A couple decided to go for a meal and after
some deliberation settled for their local Chinese restaurant.
They perused the menu and finally
agreed to share the chef's special, Chicken Surprise.
The waiter brings over the meal,
served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to start in on the meal,
the lid of the pot rises by a tiny amount and
she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking
around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't so she asks him to look in the pot.
He reaches for it and again the lid rises,
and he sees two beady little eyes looking
around before it firmly slams back down.
Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over,
explains what is happening,
and demands an explanation.
"Well, sir," says the waiter, "What did you order?"
"We both chose the same," he replies,
"the Chicken Surprise."
"Oh, I do apologize. This is my fault," says the waiter...
"By mistake, I've brought you the Peeking duck."
------------------------






From the family album
[Istarted early]



Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV
and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.
When he opens it,
he is confronted by a little Chinese man,
clutching a clipboard and yelling,
“You Sign! You sign!”
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement,
when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,
“You Sign! You sign!”
Nelson says to him,
“Look, you’ve obviously got the wrong man”,
and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again.
When he opens it, the little Chinese man
is back with a huge truck of brake pads.
He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson’s nose, yelling,
“You sign! You sign!”
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now,
so he pushes the little Chinese man back,
shouting: “Look, go away!
You’ve got the wrong man, I don’t want them!”
Then he slams the door in his face again
The following day,
Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon,
he hears a knock on the door again.
On opening the door, there is the same
little Chinese man thrusting a
clipboard under his nose, shouting,
“You sign! You sign!”
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely,
he picks up the little man by
his shirt front and yells at him:
“Look, I don’t want these! Do you understand?
You must have the wrong name!
Who do you want to give these to?”
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled,
consults his clipboard, and says:
“You not Nissan Main Deala?”




Useless cat

Mt Augustus in the Gascoyne region

Land of Gods

Judith Durham It doesnt matter anymore