557

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5 year old piano prodigy Ryan Wang performs for 101 year old Dorothy Landry. Dorothy is one of Ryan’s biggest fans and while she has seen him play live before her seat didn’t allow her to fully hear the beautiful music he played. She has a front row seat now and for Dorothy he performs ‘Variations on an Inner Mongolian Folk Song’.

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The Royal Baby

A man who had been in a mental home for some years

 finally seemed to have improved to the point

 where it was thought he might be released. 

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution,

 decided, however, to interview him first.

 “Tell me,” said he,

 “if we release you, as we are considering doing, 

what do you intend to do with your life?’ 

The inmate said,

 “It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do,

 I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. 

I was a nuclear physicist, you know, 

and it was the stress of my work in weapons research

 that helped put me here.

 If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, 

where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful.” 

“Marvelous,” said the head of the institution. 

“Or else,” ruminated the inmate.

 “I might teach. 

There is something to be said for spending one’s life

 in bringing up a new generation of scientists.” 

“Absolutely,” said the head.

 “Then again, I might write.

 There is considerable need for books

 on science for the general public. 

Or I might even write a novel based

 on my experiences in this fine institution.”

 “An interesting possibility,” said the head.

 “And finally, if none of these things appeals to me,

 I can always continue to be a teakettle.”

Some awesome pictures from the Internet

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This is absolutely fascinating

 How the Rover got to Mars ( REALLY COOL )

INCREDIBLE

thanks Kitty L

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Those Funny Animals

Stealing Animals

Beavers in Calgary Canada

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Animal Phun Phacts

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Healthier than a Horse

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more Phun Phacts

A look at rare pictures from yesteryear

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A 1906 bird's-eye view of George Street, Sydney

thanks Ray S

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Alcatraz Prison, often known as the "Rock,"

 is on a small island in San Francisco Bay.

Alcatraz has long been the most famous prison in America. 

It started as a military prison during the Civil War

 and became a federal prison in the early part of the twentieth century.

 When it closed in the 1960s, it had housed such famous con men

 as the Birdman of Alcatraz and Al Capone. 

Within the world of federal penitentiaries, 

Alcatraz attracted a lot of prospective guards to tend the prisoners. 

Sometimes two and three generations of the same family

 had members working as guards at the "Rock."

In one local San Francisco family, 

working at Alcatraz spanned three generations,

 but unfortunately, not a fourth. 

One young man was not destined it seemed to follow

 in his father's, grandfather's, and great-grandfather's footsteps.

 As is common with the new generation, 

this young man preferred a more professional calling, 

and he graduated from law school, became a district attorney, 

and finally built a successful private practice.

 He was asked several times to become an officer at Alcatraz, 

and he was even asked to consider becoming the warden. 

Yet his private practice consumed too much of his time.

After several government inquiries,

 he always demurred, always refusing the honor of heading the prison. 

Finally, in 1963, he decided to retire from law having built a secure nest egg,

 and he himself asked if the warden's job was still available.

 Unfortunately, the Justice Department had decided to close Alcatraz,

 and when the federal officials told him that no there 

would be no job at Alcatraz for him, he could only reply,

 "I coulda been a con tender.

Mama sparrow was in the family way. 

There were four eggs in the nest on which she was sitting. 

Three were white but one was strangely different

 It was speckled.

"Why is that one speckled?"

 asked Papa Sparrow.

Mama sparrow replied:

"I just did it for a lark!"

Only in Africa

Thanks David T

more...................

NORWAY

 A funny Bachelor Party Bungee Jump prank 

at a Norwegian bachelor party where the bachelor

 is tricked into thinking he’s going 

to be jumping off an old wooden bridge.

The bachelor isn’t exactly thrilled to make this jump

 while blindfolded but after some reassurances 

from his mates he works up the courage and makes the jump.

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If you need an adrenaline rush one sure way to get it 

is to free fall off of Katthammaren Wall

 in Eikesdal, Norway.

CANADA

Watch what happens as a Canadian Beer Fridge

 decides to take a trip to Europe. 

This bright red Canadian Beer Fridge certainly drew the attention

 of the natives but it takes a Canadian passport to open it.

 Once opened by a Canadian tourist

 the onlookers are treated to a nice cold Molson Canadian. 

This must be why everyone loves Canadians.

-----------------------------

POSTERS

Blast from the Past

"Sloop John B" is the 7th track on The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds album

 and was also a single which was released in 1966 on Capitol Records.

 It was originally a traditional West Indies folk song, 

"The John B. Sails," taken from a collection by Carl Sandburg (1927).

The John B. was an old sponger boat - presumably a sloop -

 whose crew were in the habit of getting notoriously merry

 whenever they made port.

 It was wrecked and sunk at Governor's Harbour in Eleuthera,

 The Bahamas, in about 1900.

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MY JOBS

My first job was working in an orange juice factory,

but I just couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind,

 so I got canned

. Next, I became a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, 

so they gave me the ax. 

I was employed at a diet center, but I got downsized.

 I became a baker, but I turned out to be a loafer

 and couldn’t make enough dough.

 Then I opened a doughnut shop, 

but I soon got tired of the hole business.

I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered. 

After that I tried to be a tailor, 

but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job,

 de-pleating and de-pressing.

I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.

 Next I worked in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

 I became a drill press operator,

 but the job was too boring.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

 I became a hairdresser,

 but the job was just too cut and dried.

 I tried telemarketing, but I had too many hang-ups. 

I manned a computer but developed a terminal illness

 and lost my drive and my memory. 

I sold origami, but the business folded.

 I became a judge, but the job was too trying 

and soon lost its appeal.

Then I tried to be a chef. 

I figured it would add a little spice to my life,

 but I just didn’t have the thyme. 

I attempted to be a deli worker,

 but any way I sliced it, 

I couldn’t cut the mustard.

 I enjoyed being a professional musician, 

but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

 I just didn’t know my brass from my oboe.

 I studied a long time to become a doctor, 

but I didn’t have any patients.

I took a position at UPS, but I couldn’t express myself. 

Next came a job in a shoe factory, 

but the job didn’t last and I got the boot.

 I became a Velcro salesman, but couldn’t stick with it. 

I was a professional fisherman

 but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. 

I became a masseur for a while, 

but I rubbed people the wrong way.

Then I was a Hawaiian garland maker,

 but I got leid off.

 So I turned to designing lingerie,

 but I got the pink slip.

I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.

 I became a banker,

 but I lacked interest and maturity and finally withdrew from the job.

 Next I was employed by a pool maintenance company

, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes,

 but I wasn’t up to it.

 So I became a personal trainer in a gym, 

but they said I wasn’t fit for the job. 

Next, I found being an electrician interesting,

 but the work was shocking and revolting, 

so they discharged me.

 I got a job as a historian 

until I realized there was no future in it.

 I became a cardiologist,

 but my heart just wasn’t in it.

I became a tennis pro,

 but it wasn’t my racket. 

I was too high strung. I tried being a teacher, 

but I soon lost my principal, my faculties and my class.

 I trained to be a ballet dancer,

 but it was too-too difficult.

 I became a farmer, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field. 

Then I was a pilot. I flew by the seat of my pants

, but I didn’t have the right altitude.

Next, I worked at Starbucks, 

but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

 For a while, I was a calliope player,

 but I ran out of steam. 

Then I was a witch, but I was never any good at spelling. 

I became a statistician,

 but I got broken down by age, sex and marital status. 

Finally, I was a Scrabble champion,

 but I became inconsonant, a

nd I couldn’t move my vowels anymore.

So I’ve retired -- and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job! 

(Richard Lederer)

Some cool features for your home

This film is dedicated to the late Roger Ebert

, who died at the age of 70, on April 4th, 2013

. Ebert loved movies and even named our LipDub, 

"The Greatest Music Video Ever Made."

"The Grand Rapids LipDub Video was filmed May 22nd, 

with 5,000 people, 

and involved a major shutdown of downtown Grand Rapids, 

which was filled with marching bands, parades,

 weddings, motorcades, bridges on fire, and helicopter take offs. 

 It is the largest and longest LipDub video, to date. 

This video was created as an official response

 to the Newsweek article calling Grand Rapids a "dying city."

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Men and Women

A drunk walked into a bar crying. 

One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened. 

“I did a terrible thing,” sniffed the drunk, 

“Just a few hours ago I sold my wife

 to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort.”

 “That is awful,” said the other guy,

 “And now that she is gone you want her back right?”

 “Right!” said the drunk, still crying.

 “You’re sorry you sold her because you realised,

 too late, that you still loved her,right?”

 “Oh, No,” said the drunk.

 I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”

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Its a Man Thing!!!!

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Cows vs  Russian Driver.....Dash Cam

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This weeks Signs

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane 

and he turned to her and said, 

“Do you want to talk? 

Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book,

 replied to the total stranger,

 “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist.

 “How about why there is no God, 

or no Heaven or Hell,

 or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said. 

“Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. 

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. 

Yet a deer excretes little pellets,

 while a cow turns out a flat patty, 

but a horse produces clumps. 

Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, 

thinks about it and says,

 “Hmmm, I have no idea.” 

To which the little girl replies,

 “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, 

or life after death, when you don’t know shit?”

And then she went back to reading her book

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Pickers

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.