101
On this day in 1959 the music industry lost 3 musicians who died when their
plane crashed in Iowa USA

A tribute song by Tommy Donaldson

The day the music died

Don McLean American Pie

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated;

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,

we would allbe driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (I just love this):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have tobuy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would causeyour car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you wouldhave to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, wasreliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but wouldrun on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason what so ever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the doorhandle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learnhow to drive all over again because none of the controls wouldoperate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

thanks to Brian Webb from Northam

Ken Cockman is selling old lawnmowers



Do you experience intolerance?
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day
He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand
and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,
"Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No,I never did dance. I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector was hopping a round and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet,
he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule,
drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around
looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said,
"No. But I've always wanted to."
The lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old guys
thanks Jim King

Die Hardly Working



The Business of Death




Today's Cartoons

What's for "Runch"

There were two brothers, William and Wayne.

Wayne was 4, and William was 15.

Despite their difference in age, they were inseparable.

Often, they would go to the park together.

They’d play with Will’s friends for a while.

When things got too rough,

Wayne would play with the other toddlers in the sandbox.

Of course, Will would follow.

The neighbors all wondered why the boys were always together and never seemed to fight.

A neighbor finally asked the boys’ mother.

“Haven’t you heard?” asked the mother.

“Where there’s a Will, there’s a Wayne.”

Like tennis?
Here’s a little something for you tennis fans.
Thanks Jonco 'Bits and Pieces"



CARTOON OF THE WEEK

NAUGHTY NUNS

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.

He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting

you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

"The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed.

"Who?" he asks.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says,

"I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it back to her and says......

"No sister, the paper says it was the

'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed

some extra money and asked the people to prayer fully consider

giving a little extra in the offering plate.

He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down

and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering.

He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation

and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand.

The pastor asked her to come to the front.

Slowly she made her way to the pastor.

He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much

and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation,

pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said,

"I'll take........ Him, and him and him.

What a Wonderful World

Peek a boo

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

He asks the blonde clerk,

"What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The blonde clerk responds,

"Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.

I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells,

"You idiot. You can't treat a cough with a laxative."

The blonde clerk responds,

"Of course you can look at him he is to scared to cough
Thanks Josie Jamieson


It will work every time

TRUE ORIGIN OF THE INTERNET

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called Abraham of Com

did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot of Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com'.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband,

'Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when

thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?'

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load,

but simply said,

'How, dear?'

And Dot replied, 'I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between

to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply

telling you which hath the best price.

And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).' Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.

And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.

Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price,

without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy

A man named Maccabia did secrete (look it up, it means to hide)

himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.

And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading

as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches

and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches

were going to the drum maker,

one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land.

And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with

Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, 'Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.'

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel,

or as it came to be known 'eBay'

he said, 'We need a name that reflects what we are.'

And Dot replied, 'Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.' 'YAHOO!

'Said Abraham. And that is how it all began.

Al Gore had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Music videos today include foreign language tunes that were popular


Kyu Sakamoto....... Sukiyaki

Jose Feliciano....Que Sera

The Singing Nun Belgian Jeanine Deckers

Dominique

You don't have to be a hero to drink milk