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No wonder, I can't get a cold beer around here

Some bugger keeps leaving the bloody fridge door open!!!

A woman was sleeping in her bed when her husband

crashing through the front door at 3 am woke her up.

He staggered and tried to get up the stairs.

"What are you doing" she shouted.

The husband replies

"I’m trying to get a gallon of beer up the stairs."

"Leave it down there" she bellowed.

"I cant" he replied " I’ve drunk it

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Bad Hangover

stolen from Miss Cellania

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I am sending you all this picture

Someone sent me a virus

A very severe virus

Look what it did to my mouse

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The Window.....................
A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast,

the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean", she said.

"She doesn't know how to wash correctly.

Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,

the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line

and said to her husband:

"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.

I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said,

"I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

stolen from Big Shot Bob in Texas

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When carpooling is a good idea

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To My Bank
Dear Sirs,
In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment,

I was wondering if you could advise me.

When one of my checks was returned marked

“insufficient funds,”

how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?
Sincerely,

Phil

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This is what happens when you meet a kangaroo unexpectedly

The cop car was very lucky here, as the roo landed on the window

There are no signs of damage to the bonnet.

My guess is they hit him in full flight

Could have been a lot worse!!

Thanks Jammo

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Welcome sign for Aliens

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save the antelope

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Don't cry darling, Daddy had to drown the cat."

"Yes I know, but you promised I could do it."

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Cartoons ....Computers

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A tourist from France goes on his first overseas trip.

Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application.

The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write,

'Twice a week' into thesmall space labeled, 'SEX'.

The official explains,

"No, no, no. That is not whatwe mean by this question.

We want to know either 'Male'or 'Female'."

"Doesn't matter," the tourist answers
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Paul Hunt ...Gymanist at the 1988 Olympics

Thanks Josie
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Don't go swimming in the Amazon...Mate

World record size piranha caught

Thanks Steve Baker
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If hippies ruled!!!!!

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Born to be Blind

Born to be wild

Thanks Brett McGlinn

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While trying to escape through Pakistan,

Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said,

"Master, may I grant you one wish?"

Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog!

Don't you know who I am?

I don't need any common woman giving me anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish

or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment,

then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said,

"Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning.

So just do it and be off with you."

"The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed

with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side.

His penis was gone,

his knees were broken

, and he had no health insurance.

God is good

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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.