182

Beautiful Dreamer...............Roy Orbison

If you purchased a copy of the vinyl 45rpm "Pretty Paper" in 1963,

Beautiful Dreamer was on the flipside, here in Australia .

Istill think this is by far and away the best version of Stephen Foster's original recording

but then I'm biased

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A band performing at an outdoor concert kept playing although

the crowd had dwindled down to one man.

Finally, the tired musicians told the man that if he left, they could all go home.

"It's up to you," he answered.

"I'm just waiting to put away all those folding chairs."

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Don't let your eyes fool you

Its nothing but a pair of ladies heels

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Way to go!!!!!!!

Police Chase

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A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says,

"Would you like to dance?"

The girl haughtily says,

"I don't like this song, but even if I did,

I wouldn't dance with the likes of you.

"The guy says,

"I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me,

I said you look fat in those pants."

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Cartoons

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Bank robbery

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!

and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot,

a brave customer yanks off his balaclava.

The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts..

'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter

and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner

'I think my missus caught a glimpse....
Thanks Josie

I think we should've bought a bigger cage

Proof that Giraffes have blue tongues

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A fellow received a mouse for his birthday and he loved it

so much that he never parted with it.

He took this mouse everywhere,

to work, to parties, to the opera…

One day, a good friend of his died and so he went to pay his respects.

Naturally, he took the mouse, which was perched on his shoulder.
On his way home, he suddenly realized that the mouse was gone!

He retraced all his moves for the day

and realised that the last place he had seen the mouse was at the funeral.

He raced back across town, but it was too late.

The mouse must have jumped off his shoulder

while he was sitting in the hearse.

He spoke to the funeral directors,

but they couldn’t find it: it had completely vanished.
The man was filled with grief as he remembered an old adage his mother

had told him time and time again as a kid:
Never lock a gift mouse in the hearse.
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A group of dentists decided to set up a new surgery.

Since competition in their area was quite fierce,

they wanted their new business to have something unique about it.

After much thought, they decided to set up shop on board a boat,

moored on the banks of the river.

As an added bonus, they also offered river crossings in the boat,

with the dentistry work being performed during the crossing.

The business quickly became known as ...
... the Tooth Ferry

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Is this a young hillary Clinton????

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For all you Johnny Cash fans

Ifound this on You Tube , but was unable to embed it

However here is a link

Its Johnny Cash in 1970 singing about Australia's famous bushranger Ned Kelly

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=2LH7FXf66 KU&feature=related

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If any of my siblings are reading this blog

here is something for you to play at my funeral, if and when I fall off the perch

CCR ..Have you seen the light

Just love the saxophone in this

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Pink

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A PROPOSAL FOR SOME NEW IMMIGRATION LAWS

1. If you migrate to this county, you must speak the native language.

2. You have to be a professional or an investor. No unskilled workers allowed.

3. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools, no special ballots for elections, all government business will be conducted in our language.

4. Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.

5. Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold political office

.6. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs.

7. Foreigners can invest in t his country, but it must be an amount equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage

.8. If foreigners do come and want to buy land that will be okay, BUT options will be restricted. You are not allowed waterfront property. That is reserved for citizens naturally born into this country

.9. Foreigners may not protest; no demonstrations, no waving a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies, if you do you will be sent home.

10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be hunted down and sent straight to jail.

Harsh, you say?

The above laws happen to be the immigration laws of Mexico!
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Church Bloopers

Thanks Geoff Collins
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MOURNING SEX
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.

Her daughter was constantly calling and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied,

'Mom I have someone for you to meet.'

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,

he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties;

he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked,

'Why the black panties?'

She replied: 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,

but down there I am still mourning.'

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same--

she stood there wearing the black panties,

and he was in his birthday suit--

but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked:

'What's with the black condom?'

He replied, 'I want to offer my deepest condolences.'

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You have come to the end of Blog 182

so......

Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site are understood to be in the public domain. If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them, please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.