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January 26th is Australia Day

This post is a little early as I maybe missing in action for the next couple of days

Careful how you drive down under!!

Fair Dinkum Mate!


If you’re a True Blue Aussie, then talk the way we do.

Like “Stone the Crows” and “Ridgy Didge” and “Ow ya goin' Blue”.

Waltz along Matildas and sing of Gundagai,

Talk about the swagmen and eat the big meat pie.

If you’ve never humped a Bluey, or thrown a boomerang,

And never eaten damper, with Vegemite or jam;

If you’ve never seen the "Outback", from Bourke to Timbuktu,

Then sorry mate, but you can’t be, a “Dinkum Real True Blue”.

Aussie blokes and sheilas, are “Bonza” through and through,

They’ve camped down by a “Billabong”, and played a Didgeridoo;

They drive around in Holdens, and go to “Two-Up Schools”,

They play the game of Rugby League, and a lot of "Aussie Rules".

Aussies live “Down Under”, and are very proud of that.

They’ve fought in many battles, and wear the old "Slouch Hat";

They’ve fished the Murrumbidgee, and burnt the “Gidgee Tree”.

They’ve hunted “Crocs” at “Walkabout” with Crocodile Dundee.

Have you heard the Kookaburras laugh, and the Curlews when they cry,

The Goannas scamper up a tree, and the “Roos” go bounding by;

Have you seen the signs of nature, in Australia’s Great Outback,

From Darwin to “The Alice”, and down The Birdsville Track?

Have you ever sailed in Moreton Bay, or surfed at Bondi Beach,

Have you ever caught a Melbourne Tram, or walked down Flinders Street;

Have you journeyed to The Darling Downs, or crossed “The Great Divide”,

And travelled on “The Nullarbor” to reach the other side?

Have you been to Tumbarumba, shooting “Kanga Bloody Roos”,

Have you been down to “The Local” for a night out on “The Booze”;

Have you travelled The Pacific, The Bruce, The Sturt and Hume,

Have you ever seen “The Min-Min Light”, and been across to Broome?

If you’re a "Dinkum Aussie", and done what Aussies do,

You must be feeling very proud, to be a real "True Blue";

No matter what part of Australia, The north, south, east or west,

By being a "Fair Dinkum Aussie", you’re one of the world's very best.

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Kangaroo's learning to hop!!!

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A woman from eThekwini, Kwazulu-Natal, is sitting in the bar with two guys beside her.

The first guy says to the barman, "Johnnie Walker. Single."

And the second blurts, "Jack Daniels. single."

At that, the bartender approaches the lady and asks,

"And you ma'am?"

"Ntombizodwa Kubheka, married."

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Do you know who is sitting in
The Highest Position of the World ?!




U.S President?

NO

Osama Bin Laden ?

NO

UN General Secretary ?

NO

Pope Benedict ?

NO

Don't know

Then I Will Tell You

It is Babu from India

He is the Crane Operator

on the top floor of Burj Dubai

The tallest building in the world

thanks Geoff

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A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere

with her Stammerers Action group.

She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said

"If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering,

I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water."

"So, who wants to go first?"

The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.

"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist,

"whose next?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".

"That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish."

"How about you, Paddy?"

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London".

"Brilliant, Paddy" said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath

and Paddy said .................... "-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry"

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Somebody's being fooling around

Funny Commercial

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Cartoons..............Dogs

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Irish Obama....The Corrigans

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Food at the Races
The jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting,

and was well ahead of the field.
His horse rounded the final corner,

when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.
He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead,

only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies

as he went over the last fence.
With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when,

on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding.

Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
He immediately went to the race stewards to complain

that he had been seriously hampered.

stolen from Archies Archive

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Music

Instrumental hits

Duane Eddy......Peter Gunn


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Welcome to----------

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Oldie, but Goldie


An elderly couple, who were both widowed,

had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner

and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to

broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it 'infrequently ' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment,

adjusted his glasses,

leaned over towards her and whispered

'Is that one word or two?'

thanks Paul

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