269

Dave Clark Five



This classic hit comes from 1968
and it got to no.7 in that year and spent 11 weeks on the chart!
Lyrics:
In and out of the Red Balloon
Marry the farmers daughter
Sleepy heads in the afternoon
Callow la, callow la Vita....... OH!
In and out of the Red Balloon
Marry the farmers daughter, yeah
Sleepy heads in the afternoon
Callow la, callow la Vita
Well the old man passed me by
And he didn't hear me cry
I didn't know his name
And he didn't come again
The sun was coming out
And the kids began to shout
The dogs began to bark
In that lovely Paris park... OH!
In and out of the Red Balloon
Marry the farmers daughter
Sleepy heads in the afternoon
Callow la, callow la Vita
Bon Jour Madame. Bon Jour Monseiur
Je vous vois dans le parc main a main tous les jours
Il fait beaux temps au'jorurd'hui et les fleurs sont si belles
J'es pere qu'il ne pleut pas et vous a ves tou jours l'a mour... OH!
In and out of the Red Balloon
Marry the farmers daughter
Sleepy heads in the afternoon
Callow la, callow la Vita....... OH!
OH!In and out of the Red Balloon
Marry the farmers daughter
Sleepy heads in the afternoon
Callow la, callow la Vita....... OH!
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Having shot a moose two Antartians began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.
On the way they were stopped by a game warden.
"Let me see your hunting licenses boys," he said.
When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice.
"Sure!" the hunters agreed.
"Well boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns
and not the tail."
"Aye, O.K. and thanks," said the lads.
After about five minutes one said to the other,
"Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?"
"Aye, you're right," said his friend,
"but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"
thanks Duke

Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says: "Did you know that Moose have sex 10 to 15 times a night?

"Aw bugger...," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!"

thanks Liz Z
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<



Thanks Jammo
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Mother in Law

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Tanning salon

One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon.

One blonde said, "A tan for 2 please!"

The cashier said, "Ok," filled out a form for them and asked,

"are you two sisters?"

They chuckled and replied,

"No, we aren't even Catholic

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Salesman

A salesman knocks at the door and a young boy answers.

The little boy says, "Please be quiet, sir. My mother is a prostitute and works all night.

She sleeps during the day."

The salesman scratches his head and says, "Well, I'll be a son of a bitch"

The little boy replies,

"I'm a bastard myself, but I don't go around ringing people's doorbells

and telling them about it."

click to enlarge

thanks Josie

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Brian Poole and the Tremloes

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In Sunday school little Kathy was drawing a Nativity picture….

There were Mary and Joseph, shepherds and wise men.

“What’s that in the corner Kathy?” asked the teacher

.“That’s their TV, of course,” replied Kathy.

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With typical flamboyance and fanfare,

French President Nicolas Sarkozy this week announced that France is to rejoin

Nato's military command after 40 years of self-imposed exile.
It was in 1966 that President Charles de Gaulle pulled out of the heart of the Nato alliance, claiming that belonging to the Nato military command undermined French independence

and sovereignty.
Yet while its allies in the alliance have publicly welcomed this return to the fold,

a fundamental question seems to have been ignored:

do we actually want the French back?

A long time ago, the British and French were at war.

During one battle, the French captured an English major.

They took the major to their headquarters and a French general began to question him.
The French general asked: 'Why do you English officers all wear red coats?

Don't you know the red material makes you easy targets for us to shoot?'
In his debonair English way, the major informed the general that the

reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot,

the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.
And that is why from that day to now,

all French army officers wear brown pants.
An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference of officers

from the U.S. navy and the French navy.

At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel

from both navies.
A French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans

learned many languages,

Americans learned only English.

He then asked:

'Why is it that we have to speak English at these conferences rather than speak French?' Without hesitating, an American admiral replied:

'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans

arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
In 1966, upon being told that Charles de Gaulle had taken France out of NATO

and that all U.S. troops must be evacuated from French soil,

President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk:

'Ask him about the cemeteries, Dean!'
So, at end of the meeting, Dean asked de Gaulle if his order to remove all U.S. troops

from French soil also included the 60,000 plus soldiers buried in France

from World War I and World War II.

De Gaulle never answered.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The army.
How can you recognise a French veteran?
Sunburn
Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
Germans like to march in the shade.
Why did it take Germany three days to conquer France in World War II?
Because it was raining.
Why did the French give America the Statue of Liberty?
Because she has only one arm raised.
Why do the French get more votes in the U.N.?
They vote with both hands.
Why is the French fighter plane called the Mirage?
It doesn't exist.
Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
What does 'Maginot' mean in German?
Welcome!
Why is the French Foreign Legion the only decent fighting force in the whole French Army?
Because it's made up of foreigners.
Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy?
To see all their other ships.
What did the mayor of Paris say to the German army as they entered the city in World War II?
'Table for 100,000, monsieur?'
Why are the French afraid of war?
You would be, too, if you had never won one.
How do you stop a French army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.
Did you hear about the French admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?
Five sailors died digging his grave.
What's the best thing about being French?
You can surrender at the beginning of the war and somebody else will win it for you.
'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.'
General George S. Patton.
How do the French advertise surplus World War II rifles for sale?
'Never fired, only dropped once.'

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train

through Vermont when she noticed some cows.

"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.

"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.

"Heard of what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Of course I've heard of cows."

"No, a cow herd."

"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

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Thanks Liz Z

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After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge,

a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress back and said quietly,

"Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl.

Then she looked around the room, smiled and added,

"Sure, why not? You're nice lookin' too and it's pretty slow here right now,

so why don't we just slip away up to my room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later,

the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked,

"Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman.

"Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me; it was real sweet and right neighbourly,

but where ah come from in Albama, we lack our bourbon real cold,

so ah still need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink."
stolen from....Miss Cellania

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Aliens

PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Hold on tight to your dreams

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Mexican words of the day
1. *Cheese* The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies Maria likes me, but cheese fat.
2. *Mushroom* When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.
3. *Shoulder* My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.
4. * Texas * My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!
5. *Herpes* Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
6. *July* Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum* I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8. *Chicken* I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
9. *Wheelchair* We only have one enchilada left, but don’t worry wheelchair.
10. *Chicken* *wing* My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
11. *Harassment* My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.
12. *Bishop* My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.
13. *Body wash* I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
14. *Budweiser* That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

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