397

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Blast from the Past

Today I share with you my two favourite songs

from Roy Orbisons last album "Mystery Girl"

---

Windsurfer

Windsurfer

All he wanted was to ride out on the wind

Windsurfer

To be one of the guys

and to look good in her eyes

He practiced in his dreams

Trying to coast the waves

Most of the time he sailed alone

Endless summer days

Flying in the sun

Hed ride and wait for the wind

To take him home

-

Windsurfer

Windsurfer

Windsurfer

Windsurfer

-

He said lets sail away together

She told him no no never no

Wind windsurfer

It was early one morning

On a lonely beach

He left a message and

He wrote it in the sand

Why do we always go

forSomething out of reach?

Nobody ever really understands

Windsurfer

All he wanted to do

Was outrun the sun

Windsurfer

To take her in his arms

When the lonely day was done

Windsurfer

#######

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note

from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's Debutante Ball.

I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome,

unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance.

They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM

prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation.

They should be excellent dancers,

as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies.

One last point: No Jews please."

Sending a written message by his own yeoman,

the captain replied:

Madam, thank you for your invitation.

In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation,

I am sending four of my best and most prized officers.

One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis

with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design.
The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots,

and a graduate of Northwestern University in Chicago,

with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering.

His Masters Degree and PhD. In Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering

are from Texas Tech University

and he is also an astronaut candidate.
The third officer is also a lieutenant,

with degrees in both computer systems and information technology

from SMU and he is awaiting notification

on his Doctoral Dissertation from Cal Tech.
Finally, the fourth officer, also a lieutenant commander,

is our ships doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia

and his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina.

We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda.

Upon receiving this letter,

Melindas mother was quite excited

and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure.

Her daughter would be escorted by four handsome naval officers without peer

(and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous).
At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday,

Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find,

in full dress uniform, four handsome, smiling Black officers.

Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered,

"There must be some mistake."

"No, Madam," said the first officer.

"Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes."

thanks Kitty L

##

--

Those funny Animals

###

---

Lets go for awalk

thanks Liz Z

#####

-

The mistress of an English manor had just hired a new house maid,
anIrish lass, straight out of the country.
The first day she was dusting in the Smoking room
where the Master ofthe house sat reading.
On the mantel, she saw and dusted a small bowl containing
a couple of small round white balls.
She, being curious and not bashful, asked,
"What are these?"
He looked up, saw where she was pointing, and answered,
"Golf balls."
She said, "OH!", and went on dusting.
A few days later, she was dusting again in the same room,
where the master was again reading.
Again, in the same bowl were small white balls,
only now there were four.
She said,
"I see you shot another Golf."

#######

Weight Issues

thanks Esther

#######




####

A blonde who had recently learned to drive was heading through town

and suddenly stopped dead and wouldn't move.
After several minutes, a nearby police officer having observed

this strange activity turned his lights on and pulled up behind her.

He got out of his car and calmly walked up to tap her window

and waited for her to role it down.
The woman seemed very distressed and the officer asked what was wrong.
She told him she didn't know what to do.

She was going to be late but she had studied very hard

for her driver's test the previous week

and knew she had to obey all road signs,

so she couldn't go.
The officer stood up and looked over her car.

Seeing no stop or construction signs he felt slightly confused

and told her he saw no sign stopping her from continuing.

She became more upset and pointed out the right side of her car

telling the cop it was right there.
He looked again and almost laughed as he finally read:

"Do Not Pass".

------

Beth, the blonde was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson.

As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said,

"Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people

behind you know what you're doing."

Beth turned to the students sitting in the backseat and announced,

"I'm going left."

thanks Toni


#######


Snowmen

########


SOMETHING AUSSIE




--

Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa before

and was visiting Bondi Beach , Australia .

He spotted a long line of black dots out in the water and said to an Aussie,

who was sitting close by,

"What are all those little black things out there?"

"They're buoys," said the Aussie

"Boys?!! ..." replied Van der Merwe.

"What are they doing out there?"

"Holding up the shark nets," the Aussie told him.

"F@*#en great country this!" said Van der Merwe, deeply impressed.
"We'd never get away with that at home!”


##########

A RECENT LECTURE ON POTENTIAL PROBLEMS

AND MILITARY STRATEGY IN RUSSIA

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy

(the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.)

gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military Strategy.

At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked,

"Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?"

The general answered both questions in the affirmative.

Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?"

The general replied, "All indications point to China."

Everyone in the audience was shocked.

A third officer remarked,

"General, we a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese.

Can we win at all, or even survive?"

The general answered

, "Just think about this for a moment:

In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters

but the quality of an army's capabilities.

For example, in the Middle East we have had a few wars recently

where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs,

and Israel was always victorious."

After a small pause, yet another officer -

from the back of the auditorium asked,

"Do we have enough Jews???"


#######

>

Some funny signs

thanks Toni for some of the above



#######



Meanwhile in Wisconsin

#########

#######

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...

They've told the public not to panic

as they've managed to push it inside.

####

OK Girls.... the secret is out

thanks Duke

#########

"PHILS PHILOSOPHY"

but I leave you this

stolen from Kitty L

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.