478

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Canada for President

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Meanwhile in England

Meanwhile in Pakistan

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Meanwhile in Australia

Former Prime Minister Bob Hawke’s famed drinking abilities

 have made it onto YouTube after he downed a beer

 in one go at the cricket this week.

The video, posted on the video sharing website yesterday,

shows the 82-year-old being offered a beer by punters

 at the SCG during the Australia vs. India match on Wednesday.

A crowd of onlookers cheers and shouts as he downs the full cup in one go.

Mr Hawke famously set a new world speed record for drinking beer

 when he drank a yard glass, the equivalent of 2 ½ pints, in 11 seconds

 when he was at university.

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The Game of Cricket explained!!

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Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off

when he looked in the mirror and noticed

 that he was white from the neck to the top of his head.

 In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over,

he called his doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.

After an examination,

the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid,

gave it to Barack and told him to drink it all.

 Barack drank the concoction and said,

 "That tasted like bullshit!"

"It was." the doctor replied.

 "You were a quart low."

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I am really concerned about North Korea's appointment of the "dear leader",

 Kim Jung Ill's youngest son to be the new leader of North Korea -- a nuclear power!

After all, Kim Jung Un (pronounced Kim's young-un?)

had NO military experience whatsoever before daddy made him a four-star general in the military.

This is a snot-nose twerp who has never accomplished anything

 in his life that that would even come close to military leadership:

 he hasn't even so much as led a cub scout troop,

 let alone coached a sports team or commanded a military platoon.

 So, setting that aside, next they make him the "beloved leader" of the country.

 Terrific!!!

Oh, crap! I'm sorry.

 I just remembered that we did the same thing here,

We took a community organizer who has never worn a uniform

and made him Commander-in-Chief; a

guy who has never led anything more than an ACORN demonstration

and made him the leader of this country.

 Never mind.

thanks Kitty L

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some truths about inventions

And Michael Jackson did not invent the Moonwalk

[see at 50 sec point]

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Breast Implants

thanks Wayne W

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Those Funny Animals

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A woman asks her husband to do some shopping.

“Please buy a case of Bud Light and, if they have eggs, get six.”

After a while the husband returns with six cases of Bud. His wife asks him,

“Why did you get six cases of Bud?”

He answers, “They had eggs.”

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Tom and Sophie  Hanks

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The best Sleight of hand Magic

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A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maître d’

 that there will be at least a twenty minute wait

and would he like to wait in the bar.

He goes into the bar and the bartender says,

 “What’ll it be?”

The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.”

The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says,

“Once upon time was four little pig.”

Scientists were perplexed by the sudden deviation in the migratory patterns

of arctic terns as they flew over southern California.

 Seems they always strayed offcourse as soon as they hit the state line.

 The scientists thought that maybe they were being affected

 by all the pot smoke in the air.

 So they decided to perform a test.

They gathered a bunch of terns

 and had them fly through a tent of burning marijuana

to see if it made them disoriented.

 After seeing no change, they decided to fly them through again.

 And they flew them through yet a third time to make sure they left

"no tern unstoned."  

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Watch this multiple times

Watch closely at the tail of the plane for the lightning strike.

Then replay it and watch the front landing gear.

You’ll need to watch it a few times;

it’s only about 11 seconds.

Three key things/areas to watch –

 first, watch the tail of the aircraft as the bolt hits the vertical stab.

Then, look just to your left of the nose gear.

That brown square on the ground is a metal plate

 embedded in the concrete with a small manhole cover.

The strike exits onto the metal plate and sends the manhole cover

 flying through the air toward the tug on the far left.

thanks Gordon H

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A thunderstorm hit Melbourne on Xmas Day

But nothing stops these blokes

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KIDS

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A rich man walks into the Dean's Office at a small college.

 "I'd like to donate several million dollars to the institution."

 "Why, that's very generous of you."

"But there is one condition:

 I'd like you to bestow an honorary degree."

"That's no problem; no problem at all."

"I haven't finished.

 I want an honorary degree for my horse."

"Your horse?"

"Yup, you bet. She carried me for many a year and I owe her a lot

. I'd like her to receive her Tr.d. - Doctor of Transportation."

"I'm sorry, we can't give a degree to a horse.

 What will people think?"

"Well, I'll just take my donation to another educational institution."

"Wait, wait! Let me consult with the school trustees."

The dean calls a hurried trustee meeting and relays the details of the deal.

 All of the board except the oldest member reacts with shock and dismay.

 The oldest trustee looks like he's sleeping through the meeting.

 After all the arguments, the old man says,

 "Take the money and give the horse the degree."

"What? Don't you think that would disgrace the college?"

"We give honorary degrees to lawyers, don't we?"

"Yes, but ..."

"We give honorary degrees to politicians, don't we?"

"Yes ..."

"So what's wrong with giving an honorary degree to the entire horse?"

Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world.

 What's the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies?"

"Oh, it was my wife's idea."

"Your wife?"

"Yeah," answers Ted. "She thought I should spend more time with the kids."

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Four Old Golfers Hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer, too" one of the others agreed.

"The sand traps seem bigger than I remember," the third friend said.

Having heard enouogh, the oldest and wisest of the foursome -

and

87-year-old man- piped up:

"Quit your griping and just be thankful

we're still on the right side of the grass!"

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A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon

 and getting somewhat bored with the round;

 so when we came upon the water hazard

 with two ducks sitting quietly on the water,

I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck

 and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move.

 Being a guy, he took the bet.

He launched four tee shots toward the ducks,

 and even threw two by hand,

 and the ducks still wouldn't budge.

Only after he lost six golf balls did he realize the ducks were decoys.

thanks Toni S

                                                            ----------------------------------

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Ronnie Milsap and Ray Charles

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.