Phils Phun

104
The trip to Sydney has thrown the blog sequence out a bit
Will still publish twice a week but now be on different days
You will notice on the right hand side I have added a couple of more "Blogs that I read"
Check them out , Iknow that you will enjoy them

Over at Tacky Raccoons I found these
The first is a Doo Wop song from 1962 by the Five Discs
entitled "Never Let you Go"

Not only is it a great tune it is complimented with a great movie clip from the 1938
zany comedy "You can't take it with you"
starring James Stewart and Jean Arthur

The second great Video Clip was The 1959 Marty Robbins hit El Paso

What makes this so good is the cameo role played out by Steve Martin

Ithink this was made for MTV in the early 70's

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an "Australian treasure!" General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.
Thanks Geoff Collins

TODAYS CARTOONS

Ex Wife Jokes

A cop tries to pull over a guy for speeding who tries to outrun him.

Finally the guy gives up and pulls over.

The now PO'd cop walks up and yells at the guy,

"What's the big idea?"

The guy responds, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," he said,

"and I was afraid he was trying to give her back!"

"Off you go," said the officer.

She was a great housekeeper. When we divorced, she kept the house.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant,

and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin

as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife.

She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago,

and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My goodness!" says the wife.

"Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Why were hurricanes usually named after women?

Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild,

but when they go, they take your house and car.

Why, Hi There!

An elder Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren.

He said to them:

"A fight is going on inside of me. A terrible fight.

It is between two wolves.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humanity, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too."
They thought about it for a minute,

then one child asked his grandfather:

"Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied..."The one you feed."

Chicks in a hot tub

A man is waiting in the doctor's office.

A casual aquaintance walks in and sits down next to him, and asks,

"W-w-w what are y-y-y you d-d-d doing here?"

The man replies, "I am waiting to see the doctor."

"W-w-why d-d do y-y-you w-w-want to s-s-s-see him?"

The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem."

"A p-p-prostate p-p-problem? W-w-what's th-th-that?"

"I pee like you talk."

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet.

As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake,

a carp came along and snatched up the wallet.

Soon came another carp who stole it away

and then a third joined in.

Remarked one of the fisherman,
"That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."

Very punny

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off? Well!!! He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell into wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The geology professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes in verse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done

Peek a boo

Camera shy Pandas

The Stripper Bear

New Babies

The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family

who were waiting for the news:

"We had twins!"

The family was so excited they immediately asked,

"Who do they look like?"

The father paused, smiled, and said, "Each other."

A man goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.

The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy,

and the father replies, "Euro."

The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.

The man says: "What?

There weren't any objections when

I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."

"There's a new baby at our house," little Sally (aged 4) informed the mailman.

"Is that so? Is he going to stay?" asked the mailman.

"I think so," replied Sally glumly.

"He's got all his things off."

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby,

the mother had to go out to do some errands,

so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.

Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.

The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying.

Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying,

the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.

When he opened the diaper, he found was indeed full

."Here's the problem," the doctor explained.

"He just needs to be changed."

The perplexed father remarked,

"But the diaper package specifically says it's good for up to 10 pounds!"

Signs of the times

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
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On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
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At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
*************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
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And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
Thanks Jane Bradford

Its a Wonderful World

Say Cheese!

Western Australia

An aerial photo of Wolfe Creek Crater

On the Tanami Track south of Halls Creek

The true spirit of the Olympics

Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions,

but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved

from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim

that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah,

but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah

slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus”

and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua”

including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans,

and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women,

but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary,

who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed,

came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes

in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years),

but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen

sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those

who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects -

will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering.

And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology,

and physics have failed to convince you otherwise,

some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues”

may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers.

You consider that to be evidence that prayer works.

And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible,

Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Today's music

Australian Crawl

The Boy's light up