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The warm, days have turned into another heatwave with no relief in sight until next week. Teperatures in the high 30's
Born on February 26th 1928 Fats Domino celebrates his 80th birthday this year
Happy Birthday Fats
BlueBerry Hill
Let the Four Winds Blow
An elderly man was walking through the French countryside
admiring the beautiful spring day,
when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field.
Getting over his initial shock he said to himself,
"Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!"
and continued to watch, remembering good times.
Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu!" Ze woman - she is dead!"
and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.
He came to the station and shouted,
"Jean...Jean zere is zis man, zis woman .........naked in farmer Gaston's field making love
."The police chief smiled and said;
"Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love,
ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is okay."
"Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station,
jumped on his bike, pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story,
and pedaled all the way back non-stop to call the doctor:
"Pierre, Pierre, ... this is Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere is zis young couple naked 'aving sex."
To which Pierre replied,
"Jean, I am a man of science.
You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers,
Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural."
Jean, still out of breath, gasped in reply,
"NON, you do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed,
"Mon dieu!" grabbed his black medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope,
and other tools; jumped in the car;
and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.
After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean,
who were waiting at the station.
He got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said,
"Ah, mes amis, do not worry.
Ze woman, she is not dead, she is English!"
Today's Cartoons
and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit.
The plane starts barreling down the runway,
and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears.
With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time.
The passengers think it was all a joke,
while in the cockpit, the pilots high-five.
“You know,” says one pilot to the other,
“one day they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.”
Yikes!!!!
Yikes!!!!
Yikes !!!!!...again
Coyote catches the Road Runner
were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What`s yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy`s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy`s a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy
BORDER DISPUTE
The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada,
The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada,
just yards away from the North Dakota border.
Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the
United States and Canada for generations.
Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday,
lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter.
"I just got some news, Mom," he said.
"The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington.
They've decided that our land is really part of the United States.
We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement.
What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said.
"What do I think?" his mother said.
"Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept!
I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"
A flood always leads to good fishing mate!!
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk,
"I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the
counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself.
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the
counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself.
She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and
asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds,
"I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question.
He replies,"I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.
asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds,
"I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question.
He replies,"I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.
Although,when I was young, there was a sure-fire way
to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my
hands under your bra.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my
hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you
EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity
gets the best of her.
EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity
gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, "What thehell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands
under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly
He slips both of his hands
under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly
and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says,
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says,
"Okay, okay...How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts,
removes his hands, and says,
"Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says,
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts,
removes his hands, and says,
"Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says,
"That was incredible, how could you tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't," she says.
"I was behind you in McDonald's."
thanks Jennie Simmons
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't," she says.
"I was behind you in McDonald's."
thanks Jennie Simmons
A picture paints a thousand words
Check out this link for a very cool version of
Billy Joel's "We didn't start the Fire"
Ring any bells??
A man feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and
he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her,
Not quite sure how to approach her,
he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband
could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor,
'stand about 30 feet away from her,
and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If she doesn't respond, go to 20 feet, then 10 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner,
and he was in the front room.
He says to himself, 'I'm about 30 feet away, let's see what happens.'
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 20 feet from his wife and repeats,
'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 10 feet from his wife and asks,
'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 5 feet away.
'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
(I just love this)
'Frank , for the FIFTH time, I'll tell you again.....it's CHICKEN!'
(I just love this)
'Frank , for the FIFTH time, I'll tell you again.....it's CHICKEN!'
Wonderful World
G'day World
Western Australia
A section of the Gunbarrel Highway
in the middle of no where
But a great place to be
Gotta love it!!
Another Golden Oldie from Geoff Collins
Joe had been having headaches for many years and his wife finally
convinced him to see a neurologist.
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that, it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine,
and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve thepressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked, and depressed.
He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first timein 20 years,
but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
He walked down the street; he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning, and live a new life.
He saw amen's clothing store and thought
, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop, and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly, and said,
"Let's see, size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60years," the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about a new shirt?"Joe thought for a moment, and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe, and said,
"Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16 1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right; how did you know?"
"Told ya… been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
He walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha, I got you on this one – I've worn a size 34 since Iwas 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
and give you one hell of a headache.
"New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear -
$6Second opinion –
PRICELESS
So, you think you have had a bad day
So, you think you have had a bad day
thanks Jennie Simmons
Music
Eddie Cochran....Summertime Blues
Camel Toe
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