134

Get up off your comfortable chair and Dance the night away with

Raul Malo and the Mavericks

at Royal Albert hall

Now for a bit of laughter

36 Hour Viagra

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch, then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,"Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the hell are you going?"
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

Todays Cartoons

A Scouser found himself in London and decided to approach a prostitute down in Soho

He asked her, “How much do you charge for an hour?”

“100 pound,” she replied.

“Do you do Scouse style?” he asked.

Not knowing exactly what this was, she refused.

He tried to sweeten the deal and said,

“I’ll pay you 150 quid to do it Scouse style.”

Again she declined.

Being the persistent type, he laid down a final offer.

“I’ll give you 200 quid to go Scouse style with me! What do you say?”

Finally, she agrees, thinking,

“Well I’ve been in the game for over ten years now. I’ve been there and done that,

and had every kind of request from weirdos from all over the world.

How kinky could Scouse style be?”

After an hour of every possible way and position, she turned to him and said,

“That was fantastic, but I was expecting something perverted and disgusting.

Where does the ‘Scouse style’ come in?”

The Scouser popped a can of lager and replied,

“I’ll pay you next Thursday when I get my dole money.”

The new International Symbol for Gasoline

Thanks Gordon Hamilton



What can I say

A man walks into a bar and asks for two shots --

one for him and another for his little buddy.
Bartender says, "Sure. Do you want them both now,

or do you want me to wait 'til your buddy gets here first?"
The guy says, "Oh I want them both now --

I've got my best buddy in my pocket right here -- it's my little Willie!"
The bartender figures he's been had by a pervert

and is about to throw the man out when he pulls out a 6-inch-tall man and puts him on the table.
The bartender was astonished. "Do you mean to say he can drink a whole drink?"
"Sure, he can drink it all. Pour it on."
Sure enough, the bartender watches in amazement as the little guy drinks down two full shots.
"That's amazing! Can he walk?"
The guy flicks a coin and says, "Hey, Willie, go get the coin, OK?" and Willie runs off after it.
"Unreal," the bartender says, having never seen anything like this in his life.

"Can he do anything else? Can he talk?"
"Well of course he can!" the man says.

"Hey Willie -- tell the bartender about the time you called that witch doctor a 'dickhead'...."

Lorena Bobbitt's sister, Luella, was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt

to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing

severe muscle and tendon damage.

The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition.

Luella has been charged with one count of mis de wiener.

A husband and wife are shopping when the man picks up a dozen Fosters stubbies

and sticks it into the trolley

."What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on special, only $10 for 12 cans", he says.

"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.

The man replies...

"SO DOES 12 CANS OF FOSTERS AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!"

It doesn't leave much room for a blown tire, or an emergency landing,

much less getting emergency vehicles out to help the situation
Amazing new airport runway...

Now, here's something you don't see every day!

New airport runway on the Portuguese island of Madeira
The airport's runway has a length of 2781 meters, (9000 ft)

of which 1000 (3000) are supported by 180 pillars,

each pillar 50 meters in length (about 17 floors).

The runway is designed to accommodate 747s.

Note the cars parked below the runway.

It's a bit like landing on an aircraft carrier.

The 2nd picture best shows how high it is --

and let's not even think about running off that runway!

Thanks to my son Phil who sent these to me


Music

Britains Got Talent

Signature ....doing Michael Jackson

[This is very good..loved it]

My wife's favourite song

Oak Ridge Boys........Elvira