136

Tomorrow is

So here is ELO to put your week off to a good start
Hold on Tight [to your dreams]



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My good mate Jammo sent me this joke
Iknow its not politically correct, but is still funny
A man goes to a public golf course.
He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says,
"I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."
The man behind the counter says,
"The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course.
What I will do for you is this: we just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies.
If you're willing to take one with you out on the course
and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself,
"I think my driver will do the job."
The robot caddie turned to the man and said,
"No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."
Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball,
and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.
The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter he said,
"I think this green is gonna break left to right."
The robot then again spoke up and said,
"No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left"
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction,
he decided again to listen to the machine.
He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there.
His entire game was the best game he ever played,
thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked,
"How was your game ?"
The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played.
Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots.
See you next week.
A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said,
"I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said,
"Well the 18 holes is no problem.
However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS?
Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible"
The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance.
It was that they were made of shiny silver metal,
and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way. "
The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"
The man nodded sadly and replied,
"We did.
Then four of 'em didn't show up for work,
two filed for welfare,
one of them robbed the pro shop,
and the other is running for President."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scared Silly



Cartoons....[Misc]

Doctors Never Laugh”… the Doctor replied

“Of course I won’t laugh, I’m a professional. In over twentyyears

I’ve never laughed at a patient.”

“Okay then,”Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,

revealing the tiniest ‘whoo-ha’ the doctor had ever seen.

Itcouldn’t have been bigger than the size of a AAAbattery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling,

then fell laughing to the floor.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

“I’m so sorry,” said the doctor.

“I really am.I don’t know what came over me.

On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won’t happen again.

Now,what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen,” Bob replied.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Gotcha!!!!!

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time.

After inquiring about each other’s health one asked how the other’s husband was doing.

“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner,

had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there

in the middle of the vegetable patch!”

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” replied her friend

“What did you do?”

“I opened a can of peas instead.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Most of you who know me, know I love Bears

Enjoy

The Beach Boys.......Kokomo

CARPOOLING
A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city

and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels,

bridges and traffic jams.

Thinking it would make the trip more bearable,

he invited several coworkers to share the ride.

However, the commute actually got more stressful,

especially the trips through the tunnels.

He consulted the company doctor.
"Doc," the frustrated commuter complained,

"I'm fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night,

and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week.

But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car,

I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I'm going to explode."
Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.
"What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?"
"No, no, no, my boy.

You have something that is becoming more and more common."
"Tell me! What is it?"
"You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

stolen fromMiss Cellania
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Punny Store fronts

seen onMiss Cellania

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
“Two Prostitutes — $50.00.”
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either

have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
“JESUS SAVES.”
One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?!”
“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer smiled…

“Their sign pertains to religion.”
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed

the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest,

he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:
“Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter — $50.00.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Creative Advertising

Don't be stupid ...Protect yourself

The Kinks....Lola



What can be done with Photo shopping

These three men went in business together and the first one said:

“I put up sixty- five percent of the capital, so I’m the president and chairman of the board.”

“I put up thirty percent of the money,” said the second,”

so I’m appointing myself vice president, secretary, and treasurer.”

“Well I put up five percent,” pointed the third partner.

“What’s that make me?”

The chairman said,

“I’m appointing you vice president of sex and music.”

“That sounds mighty fine,” said the third man, “but what does it mean?”

"It means that when I want your f#####g advice, I’ll whistle.”