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Old Dogs, Children and Watermelon wine....Tom T Hall

This is a pure and simple song and full of wisdom

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Siamese twins
Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and park themselves on a
bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at
the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please'.

*The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite
conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, lads?'

'Off to England next month,' says John. 'We go to England every year
and hire a car and drive for miles,don't we, Jim?' Jim agrees.

'Ah, England!' says the bartender. 'Wonderful country... the history,
the beer, the culture...'
'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John. ' Hamburgers &
Molsons beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English it's all soccer, cricket and how they can't beat the Aussies at anything'.

'So why keep going to England ?' asks the landlord.

'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.'*

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stolen from Bits and Pieces

it got me as well,Jonco
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Coke versus Pepsi

Coke wins this round

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Cartoons for Today

Some more Tom T Hall for you to enjoy
The year Clayton Delaney died

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My neighbour has a puppy he's giving away (FREE!).
It's a Dachshund,

it's house broken,

and it's great with kids.

He's giving it away because his wife says the dog 'stares' at her

for long periods when she is undressing ,

and that gives her the 'Heebie Jeebies'.

Anyway, if you're interested, or know someone who is, let me know.

Here's a picture of the dog

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RAPID GRAMMAR IMPROVEMENT

There were two girls seated on a plane, beside one another.

One was from the North and one from the South.

The girl from the South asked very politely,

"Where ya from?"

The girl from the North said, "

A place that knows better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from the South replied,

"Oh, okay, where ya from, Bitch?"

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Kiwi Mouse

A man went to his dentist because his mouth felt funny.

The dentist examined him and said,

"That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding.

What have you been eating?"
The man replied,

"All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus

and put some stuff on it that was delicious.

Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
"Well," said the dentist, "that's probably the problem.

Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive.

It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate,

and this time I'll use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asked the patient.
To which the dentist replied,

"It's simple.

Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
stolen from Miss Cellania





Some Punny business

Here in Australia it is Tax return time

Some of us may even get a rebate from the Federal Government

How To Spend Your Tax Rebate Patriotically
If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If we buy a computer, It will go to India.

If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap,it will go to Taiwan

and none of it will help the Australian economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer,

since these are the only products still produced in the Australia

So...do your patriotic duty..

.as often as possible
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Tom T Hall.........I love beer

Apparently masturbation is good for you

- really, it is!
Sexual relief releases a chemical which stimulates the brain,

and in effect is a natural anti-depressant.

Scientific researchers reckon that if a person was to masturbate every 2 hours,

he would never feel depressed.

So, that got me thinking –

I work with a load of Fremantle Docker fans,

and they are always really happy, upbeat and jolly people.

This tends to prove what we have known all along -

they are all a bunch of Wankers.