152
It continues to rain and Perth has surpassed its July average rainfall in almost a decade



Who will win???
US versus Australia

An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers.

He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter.

As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other,

an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says

"Hey, what's that little green thing down there?"

The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!,"

right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.

The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman,

"Hey, what is that thing, anyway?"

The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun."

"Oh, all right." the Englishman says sullenly.

They all go back to drinking beer.

An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered.

"Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard!" he says.

The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT!

This time the Englishman is really mad!

"Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his dick off!" he shouts

"You can't do that" says the Irishman.

"Leprechauns don't have dicks."

"How do they pee, then?" asks the bewildered Englishman.

"They don't," says the Irishman.

"They go SPLBLBLBLBT."

---------------------------------------------

Coke heads........Japanese style

Doe in the Woods

Q: What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?

A: I'll never do that for two bucks again.


A sea of Satellite dishes

Useful Phrases to Know When Travelling in the Middle East

AKBAR KHALI_KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

FEKR GABUL ORADAN DAVAT PAEH CUSH DIVAR I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.

SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH DEH GOFTEH BANDE I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.

AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN If you will do me the kindness of not harming by genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency. TIEKH NUNEH OB KHREELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I really must have the recipe.



Cartoons

Alien lands in Brooklyn

Never trust a woman

Bunk over @Tacky Raccoons will like this video


Soccer chick

I'm the first

Hideout

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors.

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,

'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;

YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at

the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,

BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'


Dreaming my Dreams
Marianne Faithfull

Waylon Jennings

Hooked on a ceiling

Uh..Oh!!!!!

Money
It can buy you a House,

But not a Home.

It can buy you a Bed,

But not Sleep.

It can buy you a Clock,

But not Time.

It can buy you a Book

,But not Knowledge.

It can buy you a Position,

But not Respect.

It can buy you Medicine,

But not Health.

It can buy you Blood,

But not Life.

It can buy you Sex,

But not Love.

So you see, money isn't everything.

The best things in life can't be bought, and often we destroy ourselves trying!

I tell you all this because I am your Friend,

and as your Friend I want to take away your needless pain and suffering...

So send me all your money

and I will suffer for you.

A truer Friend than me you will never find.

CASH ONLY, PLEASE

Here you go then ,just for you

Remember the Beverley Hillbillies

Well, here's Jed Clampett, the Rock Star

THE LAST SAY
* A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
* Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
* Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
* Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
* Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
* Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
* Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?
* Grasp your ears firmly and pull; you might just be able to remove your head from you ass.
* He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
* Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
* I bet you get bullied a lot.
* I can tell that you are lying; your lips are moving.
* I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
* I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
* I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
* I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
* I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
* I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
* I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
* I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
* I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
* I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
* If I want shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.
* If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
* If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder…it would be an apocalypse!
* If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.
* I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
* I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
* I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
* I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
* Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
* Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
* People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
* Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
* She's the first in her family born without tail.
* Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.
* That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
* There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.
* This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
* What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
* Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
* What's wrong, don't you get any attention back home?
* When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
* You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
* You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
* You are not even beneath my contempt.
* You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
* You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
* You grow on people, but so does cancer.
* You have a nasty speech impediment…your foot.
* You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
* You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
* You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
* Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
* You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.