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DO YOU HAVE YOUR ROLE MODEL???
...the following exercise is designed to demonstrate to you
exactly who that person should be...
e.g. Hitler...?
Churchill...?
...Archimedes?
...it's possibly a question that you may never have pondered before...
...anyway,
I've just stumbled upon this amazing & fool-proof formula
that will set you on the pathway to fulfillment when you
discover the answer to the question...
...first, you must complete the calculations
and then refer to the names listed...
...so...GOOD LUCK...
& remember, this formula is infallible...!!
...NOW... this important............
1) Pick your Favourite number between 1- 9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3...then again multiply by 3
(I can wait should you need your calculator....)
4) You will arrive at a 2 or 3 digit number...
.5) Add the digits together (memorise the answer)
Now scroll down..........................
Now, using that number you memorised ,
will find the name of your ROLE MODEL amongst these names:-
1. Einstein
2. Nelson Mandela
3. Jacob Zuma
4. Tom Cruise
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Brad Pitt
8. Kevin Rudd
9. Phil of Phils Phun
10. Barack Obama
I know...amazing, isn't it...? ...
it's just that I have that certain effect on people.
..& imagine, one day you too can be like me...
and wouldn't the world be a better place...??....
...you know I'm right..!
Thanks Gordon
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Instrumental Hits
Kenny Ball and his Jazzmen...Midnight in Moscow
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Caveman Toons
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Retraction
A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue,
explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,
"Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
At once the gavel comes down on him.
If he does not withdraw his statement,
he will be removed from the chambers.
After a long pause, the angry senator accepts.
"I withdraw what I said.
Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians."
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This must be how they got those pictures of Paris [Bimbo] Hilton
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ANIMAL HOUSE
There are a group of animals in a restaurant.
The waiter comes over at the end of the night to collect for the drinks
The skunk says 'Don't look at me, I haven't got a scent'
The duck says 'Just put it on my bill'
The cow says 'You'll have to ask one of the udders'
The deer says 'I had a buck last week and I'm expecting a little doe soon'
The giraffe says 'Well, I guess the high balls are on me then'
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Height advantage
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This how we got the saying
Being led around by sheep
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Bonus Hit
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Cartoons......with Cars
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A couple of sharp businessmen in New York were dicussing women and one of them,
Sheldon, remarked about how dumb blondes are.
His friend, David, disagreed,
so they devised a test to see if blondes were really as dumb as everyone thinks.
They went to an antique shop with a pretty blonde salesperson
and proceeded to browse at tea sets.
After awhile, they said to the blonde,
“We’ve been looking & looking, but we can’t find any left-handed tea sets.
Can you help us?”
Being quite well-dressed & well-groomed, she sizes them up as having money,
so she asks them to wait a moment
as she thinks she may have something in the back store room.
Sheldon almost breaks out laughing as he imagines this poor girl
searching through everything for a left-handed tea set.
The blonde goes in the back, immediately finds their most expensive sterling silver tea set,
turns all the handles around to the left side,
remarks the set to double its original price and brings it out.
Smiling, she says,
“There you are gentlemen, a left handed tea set!”
The men are somewhat taken a back but under the circumstances
they are forced to pay the exhorbitant price and leave with the tea set.
As they’re walking down 5th Avenue with their purchase,
David, laughing, says to Sheldon,
“See, I told you they’re not so dumb!”
“What does that prove?" says Sheldon,
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Secrets of Personal Growth
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself.
The second, to do nice things for myself.
The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
I am at one with my duality.
Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
I will strive to live each day as if it were my 69th birthday.
I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!”
False hope is better than no hope at all.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Dream Motel. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I’ll find someone.
A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.
All of the evil that I speak, hear, and see, are pleasurable to me.
The only friend I have…moved to parts unknown.
When counting my blessings, I count backwards from one.
They no longer allow me into the confessional.
The person I admire the most is Elmer Fudd.
I enjoy watching a magazine stand.
Experience shows that people who write, can’t be trusted.
When I am here I wish I was there….and I am.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
I am at one with my duality.
Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
I will strive to live each day as if it were my 69th birthday.
I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!”
False hope is better than no hope at all.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Dream Motel. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I’ll find someone.
A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.
All of the evil that I speak, hear, and see, are pleasurable to me.
The only friend I have…moved to parts unknown.
When counting my blessings, I count backwards from one.
They no longer allow me into the confessional.
The person I admire the most is Elmer Fudd.
I enjoy watching a magazine stand.
Experience shows that people who write, can’t be trusted.
When I am here I wish I was there….and I am.
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Consolation
Consolation
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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Duckworld
Duck's revenge
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Afternoon Sex
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie' with their
8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all theneighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan intooperation:
There's a car being towed from the parking lot,'he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!''
Looks like the Anderson's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks likethe Sanders are moving!''
Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced,
'The Coopers are having sex!!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they are having sex?''
Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.
Thanks Geoff
Thanks Geoff
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
2 comments:
That's exactly where I got my insanity, from my children. Bwahahahaha.
Have a terrific day Phil. :)
And I'm stealing this one from you. Bwahahahaha. It will post on Tuesday and I've given you credit as always.
Have a terrific day Phil. :)
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