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Ithink I posted this last Xmas but saw it again over at Miss Cellania
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Keep Cool pictures

Ithink its a chevvy???

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There were three women competing in the recent Breast Stroke

division of an English Channel swim, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
It was a fierce race with the brunette and the redhead exchanging

the lead across the long stretch of water.

As they stroked closer and closer to the shores of France,

the blonde fell further behind.
Finally, the brunette came in first, with the redhead a close second.

Everyone cheered and the two women congratulated each other on such a fine race.

But the blonde swimmer was still nowhere to be seen.
Much, much later,

the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee,

she agreed to speak to the eager press.
"Can you please tell us what caused you to finish

so far behind the other racers in today's race?" the first reporter asked.
The blonde shook her head, then remarked,

"I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms!"
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Only Fools and Horses

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Hooked
A fisherman had two sons, whom he named Towards and Away.
When they grew, he took them to sea to learn his craft.
Years passed without their return.
But one day, the fisherman’s grieving wife saw her husband approaching.
“Where are my darling boys?” she cried.
Her husband told her the dreadful story.
Towards had hooked a mighty fish, he said.

After a long battle, Towards had been pulled overboard

and swallowed by the fish.
“What a terrible fish!” his wife cried.
“Yes,” said the fisherman,

“but you should have seen the one that got Away!”

pinched from... Archies Archive

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A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business

when a man with a large black beard walks in.

The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky.

The bartender serves him,

the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in.

The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky.

The bartender serves him,

the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The man says,"Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky.

He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says,

"Hey where is your big black beard?"

The Scotsman thinks quickly.

He lifts his Kilt and says,"Secret Service

pinched from...Miss Cellania

Ice fishing in Canada

Crazy Canucks!!!!


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A woman was letting her husband have it

with just a touch more venom than usual, saying,

"You're an idiot. You have always been an idiot.

You'll always be an idiot.

If they had an idiot contest, you'd come in second."

"Why would I come in second?" her husband asked.

She replied, "Because you're an idiot!"

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Those funny Animals

Circle the Cat

It took me a awhile

Smart Cat

Click link

http://www.members.shaw.ca/gf3/circle-the-cat.html

Infuriatingly simple yet difficult!

Thanks Liz Z
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Gotcha


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thanks Gordon H

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Uh Oh!!

Cool Kid

Something to remember me with

thanks Liz Z
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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike

on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins

they are entitled to in the afterlife.

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management

have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced

that the number of virgins a suicide bomber

would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60.

The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years

of the number of suicide bombings

and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union,

the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.)

responded with a statement that this was unacceptable

to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press,

"Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad.

We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this

by management is a kick in the teeth."

Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins

but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely

by the workforce and not by management.

"Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded

an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir.

"And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too.

How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management

but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"

Speaking from a shed in the West Midlands where he currently resides,

Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,

"We sympathise with our workers' concerns

but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad,

in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure

and laying people off.

I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff

that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

He defended management bonuses by claiming these

were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics.

"How am I supposed to attract the best people

if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

Talks broke down this morning

after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme

was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas.

One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying,

"I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that …………

"Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend,

suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday.

Most branches are supporting the strike.

Only the North London branch, which has a different union,

is likely to continue working.

However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives

in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

thanks Liz Z


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