506

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These are possibly the five best sentences you'll ever read:
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.
Can you think of a reason for not sharing this? Neither could I......

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Britains Got Talent

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What's a Purple Donut?

So one fine day, a young boy is listening to the radio. He has very bad reception but through the static, he catches something about a purple donut.

His curiosity sparked, he meanders over to his mother and said, "Momma, what's a purple donut?" She then gets this wild look in her eye, grabs a bat and begins to vigorously beat the boy. She yells, "Get your ass to school, and when you get home your going to the cellar!"

So he walks to school. He has a bloody nose and a battered body but he's tough so he walks into class. The teacher sees him and says, "Young man, what happened to you??" "Well, I asked my mom what a purple donut was and she beat me with a bat! Incidentally, what IS a purple donut?" At this point the teacher gets a wild look in his eyes, and proceeds to throw the boy through a desk.

"GO TO THE PRINCIPAL!" he yells.

The boy now with an achy back and a bloody nose goes to the principal’s office. The principal says "Good gracious, child, what in all that is holy has happened to you?" The boy says, "I was beaten for asking a simple question, ‘what is a purple donut?’"

The principal gets a wild look in his eye and proceeds to hammer the kid with a stapler and screams, "Boy - get the hell out of here! You’re expelled!!"

So the kid leaves with a bloody nose, an achy back, bruises, and five staples embedded in his forehead. On the way home he meets a hobo.

"Young man, what on earth happened to you?"

"Well sir, I got beaten by my mother, thrown through a desk by my teacher, and stapled maliciously by my principal - all for asking the same question: What in the world is a purple donut??"

The hobo gets a wild look in his eye and proceeds to beat the boy with a golf club.

The boy escapes with two black eyes. As he is headed home he sees a donut shop. "That's where I’ll go! They sell donuts, so they should know what a purple donut is!" He begins to cross the road and ~WHAM~ he gets smoked by a bus.

Moral of the story: Look Both Ways When Crossing the Street. Always

stolen from Skips House of Chaos

 

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Those Funny Animals

Find the cat!!!

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Lion Feeding Time

Notice the meat on the hood of the vehicle. Imagine the rush you get sitting in that seat.

This is the Werribee Open Range Zoo in Victoria , Australia and only the hood of the car is outside the glass cage with the lions.
The rest of the car is on the inside. Interesting way of interacting with lions. The seats are cleaned every trip.

thanks Kitty L

 

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Rescue of Humpback Whale

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A city man goes on vacation in the autumn for a color tour of the Midwest. Stopping one night at a small tavern for a meal and a beer, he regales the waitress with tales of his adventures, his amazement -- not only about the beautiful colors, but about how many flocks of geese he'd seen, flying south for the winter.
The grey-haired tavern owner comes over, and says, "Yup, those geese are amazing creatures."
"How do you mean?" asks the man.
"Well," the owner explains as he pulls out a chair. "That 'V' formation they fly in is something they evolved over tens of thousands of years, to allow them to go further distances when they migrate."
"Really?" asks the man.
"Yup," says the owner. "The strongest flyer would take the point, and the other geese fall in formation in his airstream, to allow them to relax a bit, and not have to work so hard."
"That's amazing," says the man.
"Yup," the owner goes on. "And when the point bird gets tired, it'd fall back, and another, well-rested goose would take over the point."
"Wow," says the man. "I never knew that."
"And, did you notice," the owner asks, "that one leg of that 'V' was always longer than the other?"
"Well, now that I think about it, yes I did," says the man. "Why is that?"
"Well," the owner grins, as he gets up. "It's got more geese in it."

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Meanwhile in.......

India

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Texas. USA

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Italy

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Australia

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London

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Russia

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Meanwhile

Somewhere on Earth

By the way!!!

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The Dentist

this is a very old video

but if this doesn't make you smile

Nothing will

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Same pictures but MUCH faster than Google.

YOURS OR ANY ADDRESS ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD Much faster than Google Earth. Now this might scare the heck out of you . . . . it's unbelievable technology. Is there nowhere to hide? After opening the link below, type in the address you want slowly, letter by letter, space by space, and watch each time where it takes you. http://showmystreet.com/

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A oracle and a sorceress both lived in a Middle Eastern country.

While the sorceress claimed great powers, she was never able to demonstrate them.

Because of this, the soothsayer constantly ridiculed her in public.

This caused her reputation to suffer and she lived in poverty because she could make no money from her unique talent.

Then, one day, the seer ridiculed her in a particularly vicious way.

Thoroughly incensed, the sorceress hurled a curse at him.

Instantly, he became a large seagull.

A bystander commented, “That’s the first time she’s ever been able to tern a prophet!”

stolen from Archies Archives

Abe Cohen was a very successful barber whose tonsorial shop happened to be located next store to a bowling alley.

Cohen became enamoured with the sport and was determined to get his score over 200 so he began spending more time bowling than barbering.

He had started a game with 6 consecutive strikes one afternoon when the political boss of the county tracked him down and demanded an immediate shave.

Cohen indignantly pushed him aside, declaring firmly, “A bowling Cohen lathers no boss.”

 stolen from Archies Archives

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Derek

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           IMPORTANT - HEALTH MESSAGE




       As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I
       rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's behind:

       1. If walking and cycling is good for your health, the postman
           would be immortal.

       2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is
          still fat.

       3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

       4. But a tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for
          450 years.



       And you tell me to exercise?

       I don't think so.

       I'm retired. Go around me!

thanks Shelagh N    #############

Some funny signs

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The other day, I got pulled over by the police because my car didn't have any hub caps on the tires. I asked, "What's the charge, officer?"
He replied, "It's 'Indecent Exposure.'"
I exclaimed, "Indecent exposure?"
He said, "Yes! You can't just ride around with your nuts showing!" -- Stan Kegel

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Tipping!!

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Well edited but fake video!!

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The Wife

My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. "I have a higher IQ, did better on my SATs and make more money than you." she pointed out.

"Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I'm still ahead." I said.

She look mystified. "How do you figure?"

"I married better" I replied.

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tips for putting on Make up!!

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Posters

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What Is Couple Sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied,   

“Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs"

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Card Trick explanation

 

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Miscellanious Stuff

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Truckdriving Skills

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Phils Philosophy

Disclaimer
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are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.